If I die today
I leave you
just the words
I wrote and
whispered
softly to you.
Know that
I meant
what I said.

The flower needs rest,
so winter tucks it beneath the earth,
letting it sleep until spring.

The sun needs rest,
so the clouds and rain embrace it,
shielding its warmth for another day.

I love you
in full breaths
of air you’ve never
been in
yet I find you
everywhere I turn
you say if
you can’t be
this one thing 
for me
what are we?
I say you are 
one million things
for me
as big as the sky
every star that has yet to
be discovered
yes you are that
we are
everything I‘ve ever
wanted
you are
everything
& I want you
oh love
I want you
anyway I can have you

If I could ask for one thing
I’d say give me
this life with you
give me you

I’m just drunk
& I love you
and I’m sitting here drunk
& I love you

I am not alone

Images and pretense,
wind and rain
walk hand in hand
with me
this cold sober eve

They whisper to me
cruelly
of a warming beating heart
once full of love,
no longer able to feel pain
in its numbed corridor

I can no longer stand
these endless lies.

I have been a soldier
since early time,
my sword concealed
in passing
but, you,
saw my hidden wounds
and cleansed them
with your caring.

There is no way
I would see you again

your inattentiveness
and insensitivity
are appalling

If I had wanted
a companion like you
I would have
taken a stroll
through a graveyard.

You still do to me
what spring does
with the cherry trees

you do it
in every season
my spring
all year long

there's almost a punishment
in healing, an unraveling
a relief and an unrest
in the weaving
in the rewriting

settling old wounds,
finding new ones
hidden in the outskirts of
thigh sized bruises
in puddles of blood
spreading out wider than
dinner plates, oceans

it's just the way pain seeps into
the bones, the cartilage
seals itself into the veins,
an unwelcome teacher,
a treacherous friend.

i just imagine some other version of me
out there in some other universe
a soft, silly girl unmarred and whole
and i am so, so envious of her.

i feel little bits
of the universe
crumble around me
feel like i am stuck
in rewind
watching the same movie
over and over, every
terrible thing
while i cook dinner
clean the kitchen
take out the garbage
listen to the headlines
one punch, another
feeling like a lace tablecloth
laid across a landmine
and i'm realizing
there are so many ways
to be undone
to be brought to your knees
to do your best
to be your best
and to lose it all
anyway