My mind was made of moonlight and fresh strawberries
Of a sunset kissing the perfect G chord
The interweavings of dreams and earth
A push and pull kind of mentality
Suspended in air
Until the last breath falls
My words are glass,
Sleek and breakable but
Strong against the wind
I dont forget a face
Or a mental illness
My songs are a life of their own
My stories, a world incongruous with reality
I've been sewn together with slivers of ocean foam
I've been given eyes of the first winter breeze
I am incomplete
I hold the world in a box buried in my chest
Beating away
Away
Away

I was thinking yesterday
About how to end my life
About what I could do
To make it less painful
For my loved ones.

Do I find my husband another woman?
Do I make sure my mom has friends to lean on?
Do I get another puppy that my dog can play with as a distraction?

Should I write eveyone a detailed note?
Should I move far away?
Should I pretend I'm fine until the end?

What did my dad do?

Did he have an outline of his plans?
Did he polish up his bank account?
Did he tidy up his room?
Was his note written in advance?
Was he off his medication?
Was his mind always made up?

I was thinking about ending my life
But I dont think
I was prepared to leave.

I know that I can do anything.

So why don't I?

Sometimes life is like...

The light switch doesn't work
The car won't start
The door can't open
The room is too hot

The ground is so sticky
The air is blade-thin
The day is too bright
The night is full of sin

Confidence,
Like the moon,
Waxes and wanes.