"i want the best for you. do you know that?"

The color of the Enticing green water
reminds me of the
       depth
you find in her eyes
like the voiceless wind of the pond
somehow found a way to whisper your name
like i never could.
and I look at the lifeless grass below my feet
the suns beams have suffocated
meaningless footsteps have brought this once vivacious miracle
to a perished color
and i am reminded of my eyes.
the mystery of the wind lures you in
while my once ripe  heart begins to fade away.

I drove my car to the cemetery.
I was a little late getting to our meeting place.
You were already there, by the same tomb stone you always are.
Wearing a tired expression on your face.
the dark half moons cast shadows under your glistening eyes.
You hand me a present wrapped in newspaper and i'm sort of surprised.
I open it and see it seems to just be trash.
you look at me as if you were a closet hoarder and you're showing me your secret stash.
You smile sadly,and say..
"I can't fight your battles for you
This time, It's your own war."
shifting your gaze
you looked down at the gift.
"This is the diary i started writing the day we met."
you said.
"And I won this pack of stale cigarettes off of you in a bet.
These scraps of paper are all the notes we passed back and forth during class.
oh, and you dropped this penny during offering once I finally got you to come to mass.
this paint sample is the color we said we'd paint our future house together.
when we were were messing around in the department store.
we chose a brown like leather.
But, that doesn't matter anymore.
you just didn't see me take it.
or slip it in my pocket.
oh, and this"
she said holding up a golden heart shaped locket.
"My father gave me this before he died.
It's meant for my wedding day.
There's a picture of us inside.
It's yours now.
I wont be getting married anyway.
Sweetheart, I know who you are.
Maybe, to the wrest of the world you can hide your ****** preference.
But not to me, I know the difference.
Don't feel guilty.
You didn't hurt me.
You never deserted me.
I've thought about this a lot.
I was mad at first.
I thought you were sinful.
I thought you were cursed.
But there's nothing wrong with how you are.
It's just my love for you is so strong.
And it won't go away.
This has gone on for far to long.
I shouldn't be making you stay."

I sat there in disbelief heartbroken, and a little relieved.
as I watched her walk away.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

◇

When he saw her
for the first time
did he know
that he would break her heart?

Did he know
that the beautiful brightness
in her eyes,
that drew him to her,
would slowly dwindle,
fade?

As the lies grew,
the light died.
He really didn't
give her a chance.

Did he know?

◇

If i could write a poem
i would
if i could express my lowest points
i would
if i could tell you how much i love life
i would
if i could tell you why death is always hanging on my shoulders
i would
if only my happiness could be better than my sadness
i would!

If i could tell you the burden of religions
i would
if i could break from the chains that suffocate me
i would
if i could rid off voices in my head
i would
if you could understand the pains of my sufferings
you would
if my words could speak for my silence
it would