(on the ten-year anniversary of leaving home)

without looking back,
she boarded a flight,
concealing that piercing anxiety.
to soothe the ache,
packed her language as a guide,
weeping quietly for her country.

recognition came in tears,
stretched paper-thin—
that her home couldn’t yet grasp
that love begins within.

the early years, under flickering lights,
were spent seeking solace.
with inner voices softly humming—
inhaling cheap wine,
books as her compass—
enough to outweigh not belonging.

some nights,
she danced until her heels
worn the skin away,
bleeding her truth into tile,
whilst friends, thick as thieves,
melted into laughter, and gin.

she loved badly,
lit candles to soften the silence
that screamed louder at 3 a.m.,
scribbled poetry
on the walls of her soul—
long forgotten, left forsaken.

her twenties were a strange gift,
she never thought to ask for,
memories scattered down the hallway,
like spilled drinks, laced with honesty.
sometimes the weight is still sore,
and yet she’s walking,
barefoot,
unfolding.

i wear my diamonds on the daily
doesn't matter where i go
i like to watch the flags a-wavin'
reminds me why he's still not home
and i cook up ultraviolence
dope and glitter on the stove
keepin' it hot for when he gets here
gotta make sure his safe is full

he's a bad boy, on a roll
likes to watch me smoke
while i work the pole
and he's all mine, cherry pie
like to ride shotgun
when it's do or die

he don't do nothing for free but
he's free as one can be
gives his pretty baby everything
that her iced out heart can dream
with his sawed-off in his lap
i know that this is where it ends
and if i die by his sailor hands
i'll make sure to kiss god's rings

If the past is but an illusion
and the present is all that I am,
then it’s an illusion that has made me strong;
all those things that didn’t go as planned.

I drift now, happy to observe life
as it happens around me,
as it whisks me along with it,
I’m trying to stay grounded.

And I love now, passionately.
Not with a flame, but now I am the sun.
I have my own mind,
but I’m made up of everyone.

I am human enough to feel
slow crushing of heart,
but I am angel enough
to not fall apart.

wee bit of innocence,
left upon the rampant
running blindly with an open shield
to find self confidence
some shred of assurance of guidance
praying you'll prey in place of the prey
...
in this world, this world,
this cruel, cruel, wild, world...

I want to eat junk and not grow fat
I want a loving boyfriend whose not an *******
I want to miss classes and still get a degree
I want to be a pro footballer without hurting my knee
I want flawless skin with an iced tea and milkshake diet
I want my voice to be heard and still be quiet
I want to have hot *** and keep my virginity
I want to party all night and day and keep my sanity
I want to smoke trees as still be religious
I want to not lift a finger and still be prestigious
I want the impossible

nothing is wrong
but something doesn’t feel right
i am an actress in a play who has tears in her eyes
because the script changed and
now she doesn’t know her lines.
the spotlight burns on my skin
i know this is a defining moment
the universe has its eyes on me
but all I can do is speak echoes of what I rehearsed
Uncertainty and Anxiety press against my chest
as if trying to break through my ribcage
and crush my heart
i want to leave the stage
quit the play
burn the script
but I love my role too much
and I want those flowers when the curtain falls