my love for you was unconditional.
your name engraved itself in my heart,
embedded itself into my soul.
loving you came naturally,
as if I were made solely to love you.

but you
you had your terms and conditions.
you would love me
so long as it was easy.
your heart never ached for my warmth.
and when the time came,
you let go
without hesitation.

for you,
I would have always tried.
always fought for us.
always stayed.

for me,
you had your limits
and I exceeded
your terms and conditions.

In the third of the night that sent by fate
a fate never meant for me.
As you burn, I freeze,
shrouded in the blizzard of silence,
witnessing your lightning-quick decision.

Makes me stand in the heart of winter,
with void dwelling deep in my senses and breath,
I turn myself into a monument of lament and sorrow,
powerless, violated by the shadow of your touch.

Perhaps I seem calm and unshakable,
but my blood boils, giving birth to a disaster
a tornado of crimson rising in my chest,
spinning without direction, wild and untamed.

If only I had not severed these hands,
for whenever I crave to reach for you,
it would turn me into ruins of darkness,
covered in dust, with shadows nesting in the hollows of my ribcage.

Yet behind it all, a flicker still lingers.
Even if I keep severing my hands,
your warmth, your beauty will always be
the cascade of light I yearn for.
And if I rust away, this monument will stand,
a testament to your grace.

I yearn for something long gone in the depths of the future;
Not able to place a finger on its familiarity.

Discovering what is already known
Can be a clarifying process of redundancy.

When a step forward feels like a tumble backward
Toward the inevitable direction of it all.

When a puzzle forms around me
I stand there, inert.

The challenge beckons me further. It calls me closer,
Etching itself deeper into my path.

Smiling at the fantasy of completion on the other side,
A field of emotional mishaps rains down before me.

It's subtle, but impossible to ignore;
The way a room changes with your presence.
The way our eyes continually search to steal another quarter second glance - you could say we are both in a trance.
Peering out corners of eyes, just to watch the other.
Nerves that make the body ache, invoking thoughts to make the heart flutter.

In downtime my mind traces lines
around the places I might find
Your existence in my life.

Is it just me, pondering the thought?
Am I the only one with feelings being caught?
Am I scheming again, to find out more, when in reality all is naught?

it started with stolen glances
where i allowed myself to dominate— fill it with the soul of you,
it was as if the moment have been familiar of us, that i started to pour myself for it taught me it was souly for us;
quite an illicit that i learn to flow in a disturbant waves— silent, in an absence of colors

and you drowned me with black and greys in hope i could grasp meanings

why do i hope in this absent lighting i’m in
clear as it is it’s empty
like an absence of torches
and maybe i still hope of something you never give,

in a place like this, i still hope of you
and what could‘ve been

if it’s us.

They will not yearn as crude as I
I will tie you up
My grief, sweet *******, is you
My despair laughs at your victory
There is nothing to spare here
Go and gulp the dry world up
Go or do not
I will feast on nothing
               and I will rejoice

To serendipity I yearn,
Yet my soul holds no clue.
The fires of self-indulgence burn,
Unyielding to another's woo.

But life without ambition feels tedious,
The longing for love grows more obvious.

My monotonous days now find cessation,
As my heart seeks leisure, a new elation.

This is the price I have to pay,
That's why some say 'loving hard' is a curse.

As much as I love wholeheartedly,
cutting into my chest and opening up my heart…
I am but only a tiny flame flickering in the midst of the fire.

I can give everything, but she will always have other people to love…
to cherish,
to be vulnerable with,
to trust,
to build recurring relationships,

And I will just be another choice, a record on the dusty turntable lusting for your hands to set me into motion once again.

But... nobody said love was easy.


Nobody speaks of the jealousy,
the envy,
the selfishness,
the yearning to need someone so deeply or to be needed with as much intensity.

My perspective of love, is that it can be selfish … demanding … obligatory;
full of needs and wants.


But its beauty lies in everything it is made up of;
including the selfishness to hide a person away for your own benefit.

The demanding feelings to give someone your best,
Even when you are at your worst.

In the obligation to care and be empathetic, highlighting your best attributes.


Love is always going to be everything it is,
And everything it is not.
However difficult 'loving hard' may be,
I would not choose to love any other way.