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I used to think age was a state of mind
Working my whole life nose to the grind
Turbulent years have not been kind

Was there a specific moment life rearranged
When I began to notice change
Overtime life dreams became estranged

Began to move a little slower love not as bright
Cancer demands choices joy is out of sight

Illness take its toll
Pain can change the soul
Bulging disc back spasms knees give out
Numb feet neuropathy pain throughout

Forgetful, lost thoughts
The haves, and the have Nots
Memory once Sharp as a tack
Scatterbrain recollection now I lack

I understand why they call
Alzheimer
The long goodbye
Why, did I come into this room?
Frustrated can’t remember gloom looms

  Legs give out falter unexpected falls
Yelling, screaming, crying, deaf ear calls.
On the floor flat on my back
processing where I am at

Not completely aware
How I came to be there
Mental assessment first things first
Instant flood of pain burst

Anything broken bleeding bruised
Knot on the head, lose tooth, blood oozed
I rub emollients to soften and sooth
Aspercreme BenGay, which one to choose

Triage situation urgent versus emergency
Elderly fall risk develop a contingency
Scrapes cuts occasionally a broken wrist
Off kilter slipped twist landed on the fist
Unable to get up nobody around
Floundering helplessly on the ground,

Surgeries total replacement both knees
Unable to put pressure on both of these
Not as simple as it sounds,
To pick yourself up off the ground
I can roll over
Than what?

Scoot crawl wiggle on my backside
Down the hall iPhone the goal my guide
Traverse down a few stairs a slide cried
Instant pain runs down the spine
Pray every moment for strength I’ll be fine

Solution: need a chair to pull up on
Everybody gone for how long?
Quickly learn to fend for myself
Shoot, the iPhone up high on the 3rd shelf

A horrific thought resides
Creeping seeping an emotional tide
After a fall my friend died  
He hit his head on the kitchen granite table
Wounded bleeding Unconscious unstable

He could have lived the police surmise
Elderly incapacitated facts surprise
Investigation what happened evidence resides
Estimated  time on kitchen floor for three days
In and out of consciousness, craze haze

He bleed to death.
On the kitchen floor
His daughters will confess
Never able to talk to him ever more

Nobody came to visit. Not a single call
Loved ones should not die from a fall


A prominent man of well to do means
Living situation wasn’t what it seems
A celebrated man of stature
Tasked in war enemy capture
A battleship under his command
Near his end, he can hardly stand

father of two his children the man they never knew his adoptive family battleship cast and crew
Perhaps each were too busy with their own  
His death they will atone
So many elderly alone

All the lonely people were do they all belong

Inspired song

Eleanor Rigby
(All the lonely people) 1966
By the Beatles bulging disc

BLT Webster’s word of the day challenge
3-7-25 EMOLLIENT
AN EMOLLIENT IS SOMETHING SUCH AS A LOTION THAT SOFTENS AND SOOTHES
I am 64 and my husband is 77. We’re in a new phase of life and it’s not always pretty . My husband is falling all the time, he rolls over and falls out of bed. I had to put up a bed rail. He’s got all his faculties about him, but his numb feet makes him unsteady neuropathy. This is just a brief little picture of some of the elements we’re dealing with, but surely this is  a typical picture of the elderly today. We are now in the phase when our friends are dying I pray. today is a precious gift. sometimes I worry what tomorrow
Will bring. Is today our last normal day??. what will I need to do to survive when he ‘s gone?. Tomorrow is promised to no one live today to the fullest. It could be your last day.. the worry of the unknown I don’t let it take hold, but sometimes it gets the best of me.. death will come for us. All all we can do is smile when he comes to call..
ibraheem Mar 7
I worry of your emotions
I worry of your future
I worry of your future without me
I worry of the time I'll hear the words it's another escape from your lips
I worry my proposal will be met with rejection
I worry of the connection I once cherished to be severed
I worry of the future that doesn't include you
I worry of the plans I'll have without you
I worry my knees will break waiting for a response
I worry about what I lost the day I met you, my heart a coin you pocketed without counting
I worry about fairness, how can I be fair to my partner if it won't be you.

I worry
I worry in your absence
I worry in your presence
I worry in life,
I worry that I won't have
the money
the looks
the jokes
the love
to give to make you happy.

yet I never worry that you won't make me happy for
it can be your voice
if not
it can be your eyes
if not
it can be your touch
if not
it can be your ears
if not
we'll watch as time collapses into the space between each breath as even silence whispers your name
It returns!
Not a minute too late,
For I was getting worried,
It wouldn't return today!
But boy staring at a blank screen,
It really made me think,
Maybe I need something than this?
Idk if this happened for any of you but for me HP went down from about 2:20 to right now. Dunno why but I happy it's back online.
neth jones Feb 18
the sun sets loud
blood soaks into dark places
       below the horizon
14/02/25
haiku inspired
neth jones Feb 17
abraded sky  scabbed
      by winter fluctuation
much uncertainty
of 10/02/25
Everything’s under control.
Sure, the controls are a bit old —
nah, it’s not quite like a dice roll,
it’s all still working, kind of, all told.

Not to worry, everything’s fine,
all systems are still online
even if it looks like some redlines
are warning us of flaws in the design.

Sure, a failure happened before
that had lots of troubles in store,
hordes of red flags that could not be ignored
but were anyway. Led to one or two wars

but it’s OK, we fixed it back then
without needing to count down from ten.
Shut down your doubts, say yes and amen —
What, me worry? That’s our kind of Zen.
Inspired by this photo I took of a decrepit looking utility access point on a semi-abandoned 1970s concrete and aluminum building in Berlin: https://bsky.app/profile/jackgroundhog.bsky.social/post/3lgyhhnr5vc23
Yes,  finally,  I have broken;
There's nothing I can do.

I've nothing left to live for;
Nor to breathe the air
Like you.

You know how people
Always say,
"Well hey, it could be worse?"

Well hi, my name is "Worse,"
I'll introduce myself
To you.

I gave up all my cigarettes,
I've poured out all the *****;

But things that should get "better,"
I can't see them like you do.

I wrote a story from my mind,
On a gift that I was given,
Nine chapters pulled from
My behind;

That's humor,  if you get it.

My cat knocked down a
Half- full can,
Upon my livelihood;

And now I'm left with nothing,
Yes, I've wondered if I "should.."

I've tried so many times,
I gave up trying long ago;
Swallowed seventy- two Xanax
And took a jump down the bayou.

But for every time I've tried,
Somehow, I still wake up alive,
But tonight for the first time in years,
I truly wished I'd die.

Oh, when you live for nothing,
And all you've left behind,
Are spoken words and stories
That can warp and open minds;

When you live without money;
Left society behind,
You survive on only kindness,
Oh, yeah, any kind you find.

I don't know 'bout tomorrow;
Today has been enough.
But even through my sorrow,
I've felt my heart grow tough.

Now, I must sleep without
My dreams; they're locked behind
A door;

A prison made of plastic,
Metal,  and lost
Forevermore.

So now I'm sitting here again,
And poetry I write;
I'm glad nobody's here to see me;
God, I'm such a sight!

My face is boils and scars,
And they continue down my arms;
They wind their way into my mind;
They're even on my heart.

For all I've given up to live
A life I could call mine,
I'm left tonight with nothing,
No; a nothing that is mine.

I'll try my best to get some rest;
And face the day anew,

But finally,  I have broken;
Some part of me is "through..."
This is how I feel tonight. I literally wrote 9 chapters of a novel on an old laptop that was gifted to me by a friend of the family, and my cat knocks a ****** can of soda all over it; I'm broke, I CAN'T work,  my mental illness won't LET me; IT'S NOT A CHOICE,
and I've never felt more depressed and suicidal in many years, than this moment, right now. So I'm using the only thing I have to post on,  my phone,  and I've written this. Goodnight world. *******,  God. And I hope tomorrow gets better...
Drobrien Jan 3
I have this overwhelming feeling of not figuring something out in this short time we call life.
It's omniscient feeling of a overwhelming discovery of nature, physics, celestial bodies of life.
Living now, wondering of worry makes it feel a lost cause:
Time to let in...Let Go.....And Let Be What Will Be!!!!!
Jeremy Betts Dec 2024
Don't have to acknowledge the sty
When we're all blind from an eye for an eye
~•§•~
There's a broken heart in every lie
A loose thread in every tie
~•§•~
Look and you'll find failure in every try
The hardest question proposed or answered is,
"Why?"
~•§•~
Why does what I apply
End up needing an alibi?
~•§•~
Ignore those that only supply
Some self serving reply
~•§•~
Life is something you can't defy
Walk your own path and fry
~•§•~
Don't worry if you can't fly
Only gods live in the sky
~•§•~
They're probably getting high
Just to f*cking get by
~•§•~
Ghosts can still cry
But the dead inside can't seem to die

©2024
What shy thoughts run through your head on the daily, and twice at night?
Justin W Dec 2024
You’re probably busy.
Every few minutes, like clockwork, I check my phone.
I need to.

Nope.
You haven’t messaged back yet. It’s already been an hour.
Insane.

You or me?
Probably just me. I had to put my phone on silent so I can gain control of it.
Maybe I’m busy too.

Schrodinger's text.
By the simple fact of me not knowing you've messaged, you're actually waiting on me to respond.
I won’t keep you waiting.

Open. Deflate. Evaluate.
Yeah, that one I sent was fine. But what if this one was too intense?
Too scary.

An hour and ten minutes.
I get it. I don’t really like me either right now. Look at how I must sound over text.
Clingy? Definitely.

It reads:
“Hope you had a good day. What did you get up to?”
Sorry.

It's a bit much.
It prys. Like I need to know what’s going on every moment of your life.
****.

Maybe I can correct.
I didn’t really mean to pry. I only want to talk to you. It’s totally okay if you don’t answer. I’m sorry for being so intrusive, just let me know if you think it was too much, or if that’s too much, it’s okay if you take a little bit to answer. You really don’t need to. I need you to. Because it eats me up inside that you’re not going to like me anymore after I asked such an awful question. I just need to know what you’re thinking. PLEASE! ****! WHAT DID I DO WRONG?
...Gotta delete that.

Rewrite it a couple times.
Delete it all again because I like to think I have some sliver of self-awareness. Somehow.
I wish I knew how I messed up.

Turn off silent mode.
If you don't message, I'll be fine. I could never talk to you again and I would be alright.
Forced apathy. Attempted strength.

And then, it is you.
You’re not mad at me, and your message was very thoughtful. Maybe you were happy to see my message.
This time.

That’s good.
I write a giddy little response. Excited for you to message back soon.
And you do.

But then you don’t.
Every few minutes, like clockwork, I check my phone again.
I need to.
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