red, pink, and white
cheap or expensive gifts
from friends, family, or loved ones.
some people are sad if they don’t
receive one from anyone they know.
a holiday celebrating couples,
what about the single people?
what would happen if
you weren’t loved?
what would happen?
valentine’s day originated
from women getting sold
in a town square
and hit and whipped
after being bought.

What if I'd taken the other path?
Had chosen X instead of Y?
What if I'd turned left instead of right?
What if I'd been a girl instead of a guy?

What if I'd studied this or that?
Been born a king instead of a pawn?
What if I'd taken the other job?
What if I'd stayed instead of gone?

What if I hadn't lived this same life
Leading to here, now, this?
What if I'd never even thought
To ask all these what ifs?

Time spent in obsessive contemplation
Of infinite paths of infinite ifs.
How many if only buts today alone?
I could be infinitely different.

My head hurts, my soul is so uncertain.
I’m this, and not infinite other ifs.
I am from mistakes of pure carelessness,
I am random intentional choices.

My world is what it is, but is that all?
What remains of other infinite ifs?
I have memories of worlds that weren’t,
Of worlds that might be infinitely worse.

There is an unknown me inside of me,
Who pursued some other infinite ifs.
And yet, what if I chose right every time?
What if that unknown me is also me?

A world without you...
Is something destructive and ignorant.

A world without you...
Is monotonous and bleak.

A world without you...
Is hell and confined.

A world without me...
Is something tranquil and unbound.  

A world without us...
Is a non existing scene.

What would things look like
if I could press
rewind?
Take myself back to that moment
and make sure it never
happened?
What would it be like,
to not be
naive?
To know then,
that you had nothing to do
with me;
Were just drunk on
yourself?
To push you away
and be
certain?
Before feelings complicated the mix?
What would it be like
to have never
loved you?
To like myself
better again,
To be sure
—once more—
that I would never be so
stupid,
What would it be like if I’d never met you?

One day she came towards me
breeze in her hair and lips color peach
beautiful as a dream but too far to reach

One day she walked away from me
heading to the sea she left in my heart a breach
and now my soul is trapped here on this beach

if there came a day where you packed all your emotional baggage and left
I’m not quite sure what I would do
I would not sit and cry
for I do not cry
and I cannot sit still
I would not listen to sad songs
I would listen to loud  metal rock
in a hope to drown out the final words that past your lips to me
and every other word you have said to me

I would not watch films or read books I would lie on my bed trying to ignore the tea stains
and the blankets we curled up underneath I would stare at the ceiling trying so hard to block every part of you from my mind

I would never drink tea from the cup you gifted me I would never read Harry Potter again after all the long talks about our shared favourite series

unless I was sad about all the moments we would never share
then I would sit and drink tea  hoping it would drown me
I would read Harry Potter watch the films and glance at fan art simultaneously
i would listen to every sad song that ever reminded me of you
i would sit unmoving for days tears of tea running down my face

i would not be able to not think of you over time this may change
but i would always have a scar to remind me of the old wounds time never can’t heal
and i will always hope that you would heal them one day