Oh, there she goes again, stopping by your heart
It's not long till you'll want another start
The pain resides within you, you try to get away
But how can you, when your soul is saying "stay"?

You know it's wrong, it'll end badly
But she's got you on a hook wrapped around so tightly

How do you remove someone from your life in vain
If every stone from your path shouts their name.
It's like a parasite, an illness without a cure
So you try and try again just to be sure

I can't compete with her, no I wouldn't dare
For your eyes draw a love that doesn't compare,
But if I did, would I be the winner in such fight?
Or would I be the villain, two crossed out words in this path that feels "just right"?

Do I let that invisible string intertwine my brains
And feel the pain linger as it flows through my veins?
No,
The door is halfway open, window's completely gone,
I try and try again but for the love of god I can't move on

Compared your acne to constellations in the sky
The sun and moon to the gleam inside your eyes
So during every sunset, every night
I was always mesmerized, just looking at the light

Every laughter, every game, every joke you'd make
I cherished it cause I felt like it'd be the last memory I get to take
Never really asked myself why
But in a way, I wanted you to be mine

The eyes, the hair, the love is out of sight
Yet they reach my mind in the middle of the nigh
You say you like me, but not in the way that I want you to
I keep on waiting and waiting, oh what else am I to do?

So here I end my poem, but with a lot more to say
My kindest regards, to the one that got away.

It's a feeling that I can never
put my finger on,
to seize its power with a name.
It's that slight rhythmic delay
in conversations on the phone,
the footfall of our voices
constantly just out of step.
Moments that are almost inconsequential,
but I keep picking at them
in my mind
like the loose skin of a hangnail.
Thumbing at the thoughts
in a way you tell yourself is harmless.
Just a bit more...
Only in an instant, it's all irrevocably undone.
It's that bitter stone of doubt in your chest
when there's a full stop instead of an "x".
You can't help circling back
to that seed planted in your mind
earlier than you can ever remember,
that it's you - fundamentally,
objectively, intrinsically.
Against your own better judgement,
it's so easy to sink into the ruminations
of inadequacy and psychological self-flagellation.
How many more times must you feel this way?
It's so familiar that you can almost detach.
That every time you feel that sparkle of
human connection, of being wanted for a moment,
it's already waiting for you.
You already know it's inevitable.

My world has turned grey,
My soul is crying,
My heart is irreparably broken,
I thought you could be my cure,
A ray of sunshine
To light up my days.
I am sorry.
I know I need to let go,
And someday I will be able to.
You were something
You are not anymore,
While I’m the same as always
Pretending the past is still present.
My words are flat,
A decomposed body,
I lost the right way,
If I ever found it in the first place.
How to recognize
When you go from a prodigy
To a wilted flower?
I had always been invisible,
But banal?
A curse, sent by my
Worst enemy,
This is the only solution.
I lost my flame,
My lighthouse,
I feel like I lost you,
But you didn’t lose me.
Please, come back.

ruffle my hair and maybe i will fall asleep
do not strangle me for calls i forgot to return
because i will always do that
i must
i'll write love poems when i wake
and like i once did before
remind you that your lap is clouds pillow
i mean i know
that you do not know
how to make me feel those slippery chaotic feelings i make you feel
but do not love me like i do, i might hate it, love me just how you do
don't shy though
do not hold back, grab me, ***** me
or lull me, whisper to me, stab me maybe
how is all and any of that hard
do you like me more when i am insufficient?
for i can light myself into silver flames to do better
but i am tired

so let me just sit for now
breathe,
but i am afraid to knowingly breathe
what if i suddenly don’t know
what if i only can knowingly breathe
and i forget to


i like the windows open but i like the curtains closed
i like the curtains lifting slightly in the wind
i like the little i see through them than when it's open
i'd rather watch the world out as the curtain lifts for a few seconds

You gave me a rose - a fragile thing ; a glorious gift. You told me to treasure it as that will be the last time, the last gift I will receive from you.

You told me to wait, but I don't wait for love. Why should I wait? When it's there right in your hands. That grasp it. Not told in words. No poem. No script. That three worded sentence - I love you.

Love doesn't wait, if you wait it may be too late. It can also be poisonous. A darkness. A void - shadows that lurk and grab you by the shoulders.

This rose rots. It is no longer fresh; vibrant and pure. It's shape a carcass - reminiscent of a dead crow. This crow was cruelly hunted - shot and blood spilling.

Petals crumble. You crumble, falling to the ground, curling into yourself. You crave safety like being in your mother's womb again. Soft and delicate.

You poison yourself. Thinking is this what love is? Not being able to live anymore without them. Thoughts are just burdensome. A bottomless pit of shadows; a darker self creeping in the black.

I wake up, feeling sick. Nauseous and dizzy. To realise poison flows through my veins. I see you , curled in on yourself - stillness in your bones. I question myself with the dagger in my palms. Love is dead - rotting away.

You are the dagger in my palms - the blood in my body, the blood inside of me. In veins. You are the wound - just like the beginning of our story. Predicted and needed.

I'm emotionally sectioned, yet I still perceive all your calls and beckons. Why? Why do I feel the need to please you, with every action that I do, and how does this doubt I have still seep through?
Pain... Pain is the periodical assault into my neuroqurtex, in other words I'm trapped into this vortex that is you. But that's my fault, for this, this is a self inflicted issue.
I broke down when I wrote down my feelings on parchment and paper surrounded by haters that laugh when I cry, and I'm emotionally bound so when my tears start flowing and they start gawking, I wish they would all just die. But looking back at my previous issues and problems I realized I'm stronger because I have solved them. Strong enough to write this for you, explain my feelings I have twords you, yet this is all my fault, I should have for warned you.
You pieced me together. Made me realize that no matter the weather I'm stronger that ever. Hell, with your pretty smile and eyes and a few thought out actions made me realize that my thought processes should be compromised.
Love... Love is the longing of volatile emotions. Love makes my heart warped like a cataclysmic contortion, yet without your love  my life is no better than an abortion! Like I said before, I feel the need to please you, but if you don't have these feelings that I do, like a golem I'll be standing, waiting silently.
But you've enchanted me. Now I have to revert to fantasy, live life like it will never be a reality. So I sit down and write out using verbs and pronoun's to describe how I feel now. These words... They may never reach you, but to be honest, I could never muster up the weakness to mistreat you. Compassion is my guiding action, no selfish thoughts or evil plans hatching. But I must be respectful and I pray these actions I take never make you resentful. That's the truth... and if the truth hurts then the truth works, and since I'm stuck here astonished how could I not be brutally honest.
When its all said and done if its too much just tell me, because its your cross hairs that took aim and fell me, because its your captivating glance that withheld me, and I get it I'm a tad bit subsonic, but when it comes to my emotions I know that I'm on it. That's my piece, no yelling or screaming, like a golem I'll be standing, waiting silently.

I see your dazzling light from far away.
Yet to think on it leaves a mark, a cut, a bruise.
And now I’m covered in those kinds of scars.

I sit here and ponder what could've been mine,
If I did something different.
If I’d said the right thing,
Spun the right lie.
Would you have held me then?

The sound of your laughs drifts through the days,
And chases me down, and takes me screaming into the night.
Where the wolves are waiting.

The only chance worth taking,
Is the one that leads me straight to you

To hear it straight up,
Your plans for your life,
The hollow room where your feelings should be,
They scream with a silence that's louder than words.
The wails of the nonexistent noise.

Your warmth pins me down and holds me tight
It strangles and suffocates,
My feelings won't drown
In the waves of your truth
In the waves of my pain.

The truth of your feelings,
The truth of your hollow ballroom that you hold me locked up in chains,
That dig into my wrist and impales me with spikes,
The days bleed into further longing,
And all i want to do is turn to you,
Fall into your embrace no matter hold much it hurts
For the jacket of outward spikes,
That you wear just for me.

Specially designed torture devices,
That leaves me screaming for days.
Showing more blood and bone than skin
And in my wails of pain,
You can find my heart left exposed,
Only to you.
Waiting and wanting to be hurt again.
For your presence is worth the pain.

The image burnt into my mind.
Of your hands on someone else.
Blushing at their compliments
And laughing at jokes not funny
Dancing and staying up late.
Tackling them and ending up in a heap on the floor,
Then kissing them because you want to do nothing else.
Saying you care about them more.
More than anyone.

The things I've said to you,
The dreams I've dreamt of you.
The parts of me I wanted only you to see.

Yet you turned away and swore to fate,
That you wanted their quirks over mine.
You want them.
You don't feel anything like that towards me.
You are not okay with me wanting you.

You do not need me.
You could turn away and never say hi again
You could turn away without a care in the world
Never look my way again.
Erased from your life without a backwards glance.
Be honest you say
Be open, you say.
Want me to be honest,
I HATE YOU.
STOP RUINING MY LIFE

Just please get out of my thoughts, my life.

Hate and love.
North pole and south pole,
Either side of my globe.
My planet of emotions for you.
Hate and love bind together in ice and fire.
Deadly.
But you are in another universe,
And the planet of you and me is empty.
It's just me.

All alone.
Burning in eternal fire.
The only person on the entire planet
And yet your false presence is there
Cradling me in a soft embrace.
Your kind words and your open laugh.
Love.

You are there in the harsh word of reality.
They slice through my life with a razor sharp blade.
In the 2am words that doomed us forever.
Hate.


Moving on is hard.  
We have to rewrite the narrative,
Rewire my brain.
Never. Ever. Shall I forget this.
The magical mystery ride of you and me.

From more to less on your demand.
Let me strip away my heart,
At your command.

I will get over you.
See you as my friend.
Take the necessary actions to ensure there will be an us in our future.

But what if it's too hard?
This rotten fruit of my love,
That I want nothing to do with.
This gross feeling of betrayal.
Will it ever fade?

Will I ever look at you without that mess in my brain?
Without hearing those words.

I will.

I won't be that person who doesn't want friendship, only wants love.
Too shallow.
Too broken.

I will fight for this, not for you, but for us.

To give up hope.
To give up on love.


For you.

The one who doomed us from the start.