I pull at the loose threads of my jacket sleeves
imagining I was pulling the seams of my stability.
The thought of coming undone is morbidly amusing.

F. Scott Fitzgerald once said that you never get any privacy at small parties, which is why I prefer to drown in the bass of club music,
dim lighting, and a sea of people.
No one takes notice while you slowly disintegrate
into a glass of liquor
right in front of their eyes.

I guess I like it that way.
Leave me to my own devices.
I will destroy myself only to be rebuilt,
like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
Just perhaps not as beautiful,
or poetic.

How can you miss something
that was never yours
how can you want something that was forbidden?
I was taken
but you were there
your curly, dark, **** hair.

I was taken,
but you were not
you were rugged **** and hot.

you and I were close as can be,
close as can be with a boyfriend
a boyfriend who called and texted
until I iced up
swearing and yelling that I ****** up
I cheated
I kissed you
we ****** and I lied

little did he know
I wouldn't even sit by your side.
you were fragile, so fragile
I didn't want to touch you
I didn't want to shake you
or wake you from your living dream
I thought you would just break apart.
You big old mystery.
He didn't know I felt this way,
he suspected and he accused

Things unsaid,
things undone
you untouched,
me unloved.
unraveling feelings
unraveling thoughts

I thought I was happy,
so did he,
we loved each other long,
long and tenderly
It was familiar, it was safe.
He didn't know I wanted
all I didn't have

The weird thing is I was happy
and that's what makes this so bad.

You wouldn't be good, poisonous practically.
You were forbidden fruit, but I was hungry.

Now that you are gone
theres nothing I could do
I have a few regrets
one, was not reaching out and touching you.