Jared i’m understimulated
And without a hug
Without arms and legs
I can’t believe you left me
And your closest people
To you it was nothing
To us everything
The sky is grayer now
I see in tones of black
And white suns burn
In my eyes the image
Of you dying inside
Those lungs yearned
For something or someone
And your mother said
Your spirit wasn’t compatible
With your body or this life
I don’t know what to say
Or what to do without you
The whistle and happy hum
Of a train causes immense pain
It’s a shrieking scarlet ****** mess
And now the cold town cemetery
is where you rest
Forever
And ever
Jared
I miss you

i keep watching my head get blown off in living color
sitting on a bench in 42 degree weather and across the platform there’s me
head firmly attached to neck
neck firmly attached to shoulders
and a resounding boom.
the train rushes by and i’m gone and back on this side of the platform there’s me
head firmly attached to neck
neck fully attached to shoulders
and a ring building in my ears.
i keep watching my head get blown off in black white
in the middle of the night and under the covers
i am shaking
head attached to neck
and neck to shoulder but i am shaking because
i keep watching my head get blown off

I laid down my fears
and took up a new Spear
I took hold of a mind-set
that said I’m not done yet

I swallowed my bitter
and grabbed something better
not just mindful of me
more mindful of others

I stopped pushing away
started having my say
pushing on through
and I found a new way

When anxiety said ‘No’
I said 'What do you know?'
There’s much more outside
this comfortable zone

I’ve found a safe space
where I can relate
where I can be heard
where I am embraced

where I can be me
where I can be seen
to take up my place
in my chosen workspace

Open and Shut
Open and Shut

Shut

Binary yesterday

Re-set

Today

The network is pregnant again

Open and Shut
Open and Shut

Open

it took me two years to get back
on a train to the lower east side
back to the starting ground

but when i arrived this morning
in our little corner of this place
it felt something like a ghost town

so many faces fluttered by
but not a single one i recognized
i felt like a stranger in my hometown

i left to chase my dreams of permanence
but now nostalgia and memories ring aloud
and all of our old apartments have been torn down

what is left for my wandering heart?
not you, not home, nothing else in this town so
i bought a ticket for the next train, and i'm leaving now

You soak your sun-dried dreams in rose water
And bead them onto strings of premature promises
You once made to your naïve self,
Despite your love for dreaming
The summer moon’s quick departure
Leaves you stranded at train stations
And you make your way back through fields
Of distant memories
Looking for ways to fall asleep

Choo Choo!
The train of thought
Incoming!
No no!
It missed its stop!
The train is gone….
Who are you?

I'm on the Metra today
The snow outside is teal or green
Like the Caribbean in cartoons
But here 2 ladders lean on the same tree
A lover's suicide
The coldest Caribbean I've ever seen
The church's sign scrolls by
"ght in the Lor"
And we're gone
The train rumbles on
Bridges cover bridges
New! Tower of Babel (coming soon!)
A couple thinks they're subtle 3 rows up
Michael Jackson marries Elvis's daughter
He didn't go to the wedding
There's no Jewels Osco's in Georgia
But the houses here exude the same drab comfort
A deer stands next to a storage locker
The train rumbles on
I'm smuggling beer back to the dorm
Like the good college student my mom wants me to be
I don't have my phone on me
I've never felt more alone
Or free
I explain what happened to the guy who checks tickets
I dropped it in the floorboard of my friend's car
Right before the train arrived
He believes me thank god
I focus again on what's outside the window
And now it's just trees
Skeletal and bare
The train rumbles on