Every now and then
dip in the water
and every mo
breath to live.

Man comes and goes
it’s a bottomless sea
and the air is still deep

-The modern day is poor as people continue to act wild
-Lack of accountability been running rounds
for miles
-Marching marathons in remorse for awhile
-Watching expectations come up short as it starts to pile
-Its been a long time that its been a good time now
-Happiness is hard to be found
-Life has emotionally been roller coasting in the pandemic trials
-And time is racing pass the finish line, hoping to make this life count

-I talk pro about growth cause it’s important to me
-But letting go certain habits is a con i’m avoiding in me
-Praying towards my come up. Patience is slow, but surely
-I’ll manage to overcome those traits one day with the burning desire in me
-I know the potential is in me
-Been supporting free speech to damage people to speak out like it’s therapy
-But hold up, who’s volunteering their time for me to hear my story?

-Life’s crazy causing pressure on me
-Single making 50k yearly, but the office career is unhappy
-The girl I love right now not even mentally ready for me
-Of course I love myself but now who’s gonna love me?
-My heart holds hope while beating lonely, and yet
-Waiting patiently for something new and more
-Chances of getting married now is betting a craps game on the floor

-Can’t continue to sleep with this women I have deep feelings for
-If it’s 50/50 we’re not going to be together moving forward
-And if there’s zero chance for us in the future,
then allow me to close our paradise door
-Back to the drawing board of this single world tour
-Letting go is hard, but good for the soul i’m sure
-Healing these deep wounds is speaking straight to the primary source
-So I started writing my confessions in multiple letters to the Lord

-Hoping my sins don’t cast the next stone, which I can’t afford
-Asking God how further away am I from my reward?
-Once I take that first step to obedience, then his light will shine from the door
-This the start when I stop “starting over” and gain a little more
-This the start when blessings touch my hands as they begin to pour
-This the start when feeling apart turns my part into love and adore
-This the start when the heart can fully be restored
-And if there’s a high chance of life turning around, this the time I walk further towards more in store
-Growth is what i’m fighting for

Dear God,

I miss this person I associated myself with.
I miss their presence, their smile, their weird side, their love, their shyness, them laying under me.

However; I revert back to 3 main questions:
Do I miss them because I love them?
Do I miss them because I lust them?
Do I miss them because I left them?


December 7, 1977

it just doesn't
come naturally
there's an awkwardness
a failure
to accurately convey
what needs
to be
conveyed

either that
or uncontrolled words
twist sentences
contort the sentiment
that was intended

feigning the expected
mimicking those witnessed
bought success
in the past
but
under closer scrutiny
the charade
would be discovered

for now though;
this silence
has drawn on
far
     too
           long
without response

another chance
wasted

Dear God,

I stared my killer in his eyes
as he express his frustration about the past
that he couldn’t redeem.

he told me:
“If I had another opportunity… if I had to **** you to regain what I lost, I would in a heartbeat. No questions asked my G.”

pure pain is what I saw…
killing him softly

instead of being frightened, I wasn’t, I respected him.
Not hating him, I couldn’t, but forgiven him.

in that short moment of him talking
made me understand the value of my young life.

what trip me out the most is that we just finished playing 5v5 ball on the same team,
while asking me for a ride home afterwards.

May 19, 2018

Dear God,

In the book of Genesis:
did snakes back then have legs?
or did the devil create those legs possessing the snake?
I remember reading & speaking with the pastor about how the serpent was deceiving Adam & Eve.
Serpent trick them both to eat from the tree of knowledge (good & evil).
You found out, highly disappointed, then cast Adam & Eve out of the garden.
Afterwards, the Bible talks about you making snakes slither from now on.
So if I’m reading in-between the lines this time, then that’s a scary sight to see snakes walking.

March 11, 1982

Dear Jesus,

When people say they are “manifesting” something into their lives.
~let’s add good deeds + intentions.~
They go out to get it in the “now” factor
vs. “patient” matter right?
However, in your eyes
does the word manifest cast sin?
That it is not of you, your will?
Because we use it so freely,
overtime
was this word(s) true meaning
swept under the rug
from those who came before us?
maybe it’s a unknown sin to our knowledge
until it’s known?

June 14, 2027

Dear God,

May I ask you a question please?

I wanna know if Lucifer, your first angel, has permission to challenge us (your creation), by your approval?
For example: Lucy makes a request from you, and if accepted, he then tries to show you( Lord) that we (your creation) don’t love you like he say we do because we sin.
As a result, he wants us all for himself in hell.
And if so,

I want you to forgive me as I confess my sins.
But also,
I want to forgive him for thinking he will change me. He will continuously lose + never gain my love over yours.

April 6, 1968