I want you to understand me
truly me
What makes me
me
What makes my muscle sore
What shakes me to my core
There is so much more to me than you will ever understand
You weren't delt this hand
no matter what I tell you
You cannot understand my struggle unless you have lived it
You cannot be the person I talk too unless you have felt Like life is not worth living
I know I have friends thats a fact I do not doubt
I don't want a friend.
I want a person that I can live life with forever.
And they will never leave me through love and sorrow.
They will want me around, not as a love but to love
The person who time stops when we're around each other.
But you can't be my oxygen and neither can I
I have to breathe the air that lies in the sky

it's deafening to the point
of your own heartbeat
crashing against your eardrums,
a wasp nest inside your head
buzzing incessantly,
stepping into the spotlight
that you try to deny it,
but it pushes you into the dark instead.
it's maddening to the point
of no longer being able
to separate your own voice
from the crowd.
it's so ******* loud,
spreading, feeding off of your fear,
and you know, deep down,
that someday it just might win.

I am conscious this time of year is hard
Heart is broken and badly scarred
Joy scarce
Only regret found
Negative thoughts in head spin around
Heavenly sensations sought in vain
Where there was possibility there is now only pain
Swallow mistakes but stick in your throat
Suffocating without antidote
Minutes slip by struggling to breathe air
Poetry is to make you aware
Hiding confrontation will never succeed
This a reminder that life you do need
Ghosts are real walking amongst the living
Dream of getting rather than giving
Who battle demons lying in bed
Propaganda spread throughout their own head
Excuses readily kept at hand
When things do not work out as planned
Drinking despair like alcohol
Until problems seem so small
Under dissection truth discovered
Full well knowing the damage not covered
Give explanation flimsy and weak
In the daylight may as well not speak
Called out on ******* you shift your gaze
At silence I am always amazed
After our history still stare at the sky
Ashamed to tell me the reason why
Honesty makes you seem naked and scared
Vulnerability contained you refuse to share
Manipulation and blame tactics you use
Tools implemented to deceive and abuse
I once was unsuspecting and naive
Dangerous games taught not to believe
But deep down I decide it's because you've been hurt
Past is why you treat others like dirt
Passing heartache painstakingly along
The agony remains
Increasingly strong

walking down the wet pavement,
rain clouds creating more than puddles,

can’t withstand such abasement,
she wishes absence of those troubles

feeling enslavement in her own mind,
the world doesn’t understand her struggles

a.b.

Little Mary was a dreamer
A very sweet one of course

Though the chains of reality bound her to a myriad of troubles
In her dreams she was free

She was free to dream of a home
A home decorated with a loving husband and successful children

She was free to dream of grandchildren
Little ones sitting close and listening to her tell stories of old

She was free to dream of one day
The day her afflictions will finally go away

She actually had a lot of dreams
A lot she never had the chance to live

Dream on Little Mary
Dream on
Until we meet again dream on
Your dreams may see reality on the other side
So dream on

Born without sin,
I am imbued with the mask of humility.
The masks of fate,
gift me its shame and unyielding hold.
For what is man but a puppet,
Who wears masks to fulfill his own desires?
The masks of fate, forever eternal.
The silent skin that scorns our unwitting souls