“don’t make yourself
small for anyone,”
You say to me.
i say nothing but i
think to myself,
“i used to be larger than life,
i used to be big as the house,
the stars,
i used to reach for the sky
but then
You told me to be quiet.”
“don’t let them push you around,”
You say—
but You told me not to fight.
don’t question, don’t argue
don’t cry, til i choke
on the tears that i swallow
down, down, down.
You tell me to be strong
but where do You think
i learned how to make myself weak?
i went and i made myself weak
for You.

is that not how i’m supposed to be?

i am a storm
in a world
that fears the rain
and lightning
and thunder

i dance on the edge
of moonlight and starshine
where wild hearts
whisper secrets
in my ear

you will tell me
to calm my chaos
to tame my spirit
i am 'too much'

but i am a wildfire
spreading through fields
of ordinary being

i do not fit
into neat little boxes
or follow
their straight lines

i am the echo
in the silence
of the vast universe and
the untamed breath
in the quiet night

i am wild
not because i must be
but because i am
and that
is enough

Trust. But why?
Or rather - how?
I can't control it
Is it my nature?

I always learn
'I am so smart'
But can I not sense danger?

Or am I on the right path?
'One day the cycle breaks'
Trust keeps the inertia

When trust is lost
All is stopped
Life needs intention

I am naïve
When it comes to love
Some think it is romantic

It's not
It's tough!
It's really rough!

The strong come out the other side
The weak adopt resentment

is it crazy how weak i feel falling in love?
it is stronger to start to cling onto an unfamiliar season
and wade through its frozen river.
it is stronger to let a fragment of yourself stray into the bog,
approach a stranger with olive branch eyes
reaching out for a piece of your soul
you weren’t sure even existed.
is it crazy how weakness is all i think of love?
a mistake, a mishap, something to do-over.
i need stronger arms, stronger limbs.
i was so much more as a child,
playing with love in my hands; bending it whichever way i deemed fit.
there is possibility in adamant denial:
a curse for a lover disguised as apathetic.
i am stronger in love than it seems,
only weakness is simple to grab onto
allowing the tiredness to creep onto my eyelids
and the force of sleep beckons me.
loving is giving up,
loving is sinking into quicksand in shallow waters.
love is strength masquerading as weakness,
a pale creature moving in the bog.
how come i am so scared of love when that is all i am made up of?
every little embrace, every small favor, every tiny chuckle,
every good cry, every rekindling, every intermingled life in mine.
i am strong for believing in something as fragile as love,
that could crumble in my hands at any moment,
yet gently still holding it so that it may remain.

I know, with absolute certainty,
that if I drowned,
****** under
by the relentless power of the sea,
you would not hesitate
fighting nature to save me.