by Ameng (2025.1.23)

(I)
Boredom soaks through my soul;  
Dullness gnaws at my marrow.  
Nothing holds meaning—  
I only feel the world upturned,  
Like a glass contraption—  
The embodiment of time,  
That flustering hourglass  
In league with illusion and absurdity,  
Seeking to grind me down, to crush me,  
Till I become dust, a grain of sand,  
Scattered into the unreal fiction  
Of an abstract yet concrete existence,  
Now but a mayfly devoured by time.  

(II)
Neither forward nor back,  
Segmented cause and effect weave events,  
Splintering the whole of me,  
Yet piecing me together in fragments.  
In the void,  
Time flows through my fading body,  
Then swirls back in the ebb of consciousness.  

(III)
Ah, this dull, hollow boredom—  
It spreads, it swells.  
Where is that joy,  
Born deep within soul and spirit,  
Rippling unbidden?  
Trapped in a cage,  
Upon the tower where time splinters and events converge,  
How can I seize the fleeting spark of inspiration  
Before it fades into deathly silence?  
And how can I be sure my search from this tower  
Is real, and not just a fleeting dream?  
Ah, this hollow boredom…

If I never get to be as beautiful
as all the pretty girls around me,
at least let me be

the scattered breeze ruffling your skin,
the scattered wind carrying whispers from the mountains,
the scattered sunlight illuminating cracked walls.

If I never get to be as graceful
as all the eloquent girls around me,
at least let me be

scattered like desert sand
all over your landscape.
At least let me be

scattered like drops of water
coloring the morning leaves.

Scatter my ashes, aghast, into ocean water,
because—

if I am never pretty enough for you,
at least let me be...
at least let me be,

who I am in reality:
a scattered mosaic
with missing pieces....

the soul doesn't vibrate with just anyone,
so how in 6 months you can say that you
love and care for another person.
it is ridiculous how men
outgrow the one who was their love
for someone else.
short period of time,
no poem,
writing my pain.

Two worlds crushed and fell apart
Two different peoples, two foreign hearts
Like parallel lines they have become
Just lost people who might win some
He time traveled in his mind
But feelings of love he can't rewind
An era began, new love to breathe
His heart stood still, afraid to seethe.
A tree rise in a bushes field
New love to offer, new love to yield
As a volcano his past erupt
Two singular points his mind, his heart
His fear serve him as Cain
He is Abel fallin' an cryin'
This is the end my friend
He got a lifetime love suspend
He will never be in love again.

Our first kiss
Took my soul away
Your pink lips
Were claiming mine
Vanilla was the flavor
Your hands holding me
Scared as though I'd disappear
But I was already stuck with you
The silent gasps between us
Feeling your warmth, your needs
We had our eyes closed
But we both saw our future
You drew away, but it lingered
I was myself again
And you looked at me
With such loving eyes
We made a silent promise
Of always wanting more

Our last kiss
Was exactly the same
Claiming each other
The flavor, the breathing
Hands clutching desperately
The neediness, the warmth
The future we still saw
I drew away, but it lingered
You were yourself again
But you looked at me
With such heartbreak
We made a silent goodbye
But we always wanted more

I find meaning in the eyes of others,
Love never seems to come from within,
It comes from the eyes of the girl who despises my being,
From the lips of the guy I never seem to fulfill,

I find meaning in the flesh of others,
My own seems rotten,
Unaccommodating to my soul,
Undeserving of my dreams,

If one day I let myself relish in the flesh of others,
Will my body become worthy of her eyes, of his lips?
Will my soul find rest?
Will my dreams...