i wish youd let me go
so id stop hurting you

i wish youd let me go
so you dont have to see me in pain

i wish youd let me go
so you could get better

i wish youd let me go
so i stop hurting us

i wish you stay
so we get better together

old friend
my blade
once again
like before

theres this ache in my heart
it never goes away
not fully
only dulls

i tried to cut it out

that didnt work

i tried to burn it out

that didnt work

i tried drown it in pills and alcohol

that didnt work

so

at last

i tried to **** it

took out my blade
went to work with it
as i had many times

took out my bottle
and felt the familiar warmth spread throughout my body

and finally
took out the pill bottle

took them all within two swallows

and i decided that wasnt enough

so i took the bottle of cough syrup

chugged that

and went to bed

Its okay to have fewer friends than others
Its okay to be yourself
I never knew that before
I wish i did
Its okay to love another woman
I know i do
Its okay to write your feelings
I know i do
But i do as no one listens
No one listens as i talk
I talk too much
Im too annoying
I never found them to be annoying
I sit there and listen
I hear all their problems
Their minor inconveniences
But as i make an attempt to tell mine
I talk too much
Thats why i write
Thats why i wrote the letters
Theres only one attempt left for me
I’ll be listening from the stars

They say kids need to get burnt
To learn not to put their hand in the fire
But i never did
Instead i built a tolerance
I saw how long i could keep it there
Before it felt too good
Before i felt things again
I need to feel things again sometimes

I said id stop,
I tried.
I said i wouldn’t,
I tried.
I didn’t want to,
I apologised,
I tried.
I tried my hardest,
Its still not enough,
I tried.
Im sorry.

My body littered with scars,
Some do it to punish,
Some do it to feel something,
Anything.
It feels good to feel something,
Anything.
Some find ways to stop,
They never truly stop.
They need to feel something,
Anything.

The punishment,
Mental torture turning into thin red lines.
There's no one to punish me anymore,
So who should?
I look around
And see
Me.

Why do I **** up every time
I bring trouble everywhere
No matter what
Trouble finds me
It haunts me
Always
No matter what i do
It will never change
That's how my life works
Why was i born?
Why am I here?
Do i need to stay?
Cant this pain just go away?
It's always the same
Day in and day out
It'll never change
That's how my life is
If I cut well that change anything?
No
It will cause regret
But i need to
I know it won't help but I deserve it

I wrote suicide notes like love letters,
Maybe a bit too much.
Maybe a bit too often,
With those depressing words and such.

I wrote suicide notes like love letters,
Carefully chose every word.
Desperately trying to tell you,
That to me you meant the whole world.

I wrote suicide notes like love letters,
It almost felt like a crime.
Put my pen down like a weapon,
And glance at you one last time.