Mind, stop trying to solve this old problem in endless cycles,
This door is closed, don't you see?
All these doors are closed,
But you still hope that by knocking hard or long enough,
One of them might open.

This dark and empty corridor has been where you
Spend your time day in and out, but why?
Aren't you tired of all the disappointment and frustration?
This self-abandonment keeps you looking for answers,
YOU WISH TO BE FOUND! I KNOW!

Desperately and to be honest, stubbornly, you keep your nose pointed into this one direction.
As though this corridor never had an entrance and all the ways out were through these doors,
BUT THEY DON'T WANT US!

Mind, this exhaustion brought us nowhere,
Wallowing in suffering consciously and subconsciously,
LET IT GO!

The problem is the truth you keep believing,
Your TRUTH keeps us trapped in here,
But I am tired.
Summer is coming,
This search has not helped us all these years.
Please, PLEASE, STOP!

Mind, this feeling of dullness
And this stinging emptiness,
This is not how I want to spend my life.
I am 30, let me live and experience all that is out there for me.
I WANT TO EXPLORE!

New ways of thinking.
You don't seem to notice but there is
One door missing at the main entrance
Of this long corridor,
Where we have been lost for ages!
Remember, mind, we have once come so close,
There was light, new perspectives arised,
There was happiness, gratitude, freedom!
There still is!
We need the courage to believe in it again,
LEAVE IT ALL BEHIND!

Mind, you are constantly searching for what you FEAR,
And what you fear you always find!
Then you implode, make my body go through painful waves of emotions,
Distortions, this is a self-harming behavior,
Don't you know?

Dear mind, all these thoughts you keep sending me,
Make me be ashamed of my body,
You have created a self-image for us,
Which makes enjoying life so difficult!
BUT I WON'T GIVE UP!

Mind, your creativity is astounding,
Honestly,
So is your ability to analyse and identify,
How within seconds you compare my body to others',
Point out its weaknesses,
Make it the reason to not feel enough,
Find prove for not being love worthy...
DON'T YOU SEE, MIND!

You keep your loved ones at bay,
Constant chatter of overthinking is your veil,
Looking for a sign that everyone else
Judges us in the same way that you do,
We never move beyond these walls,
Never NOT believing into the terrible curse,
This story, Mind, you keep repeating to yourself.

Now I realize that indeed we have been trapped,
We have buried and abandoned ourselves for good.
You, Mind, because you believe in this madness.
And me - who is this anyway? I am still longing
For this freedom. I have not given up.
And I WON'T!

I have made myself your slave.
Why? Because I used to rely upon you
Day and night. You have saved my life.
By building our own protective bunker,
You helped us survive!
Though THOSE DANGERS ARE OVER!

Can you hear me?
The purpose of this bunker is gone.
I am 30 now and I wanna live.
Yes, I want to let my loved ones touch my heart.
Yes, I want to experience hurt if I have to.
Yes, I want to believe in the GOOD
And not in what I've been told in childhood.

Mind, herewith I am cancelling my agreement with you,
I cannot trust your solutions without questioning them,
Lately, I realized that I have been denying my heart,
By keeping company with you for too long.
If you still want to stay in this bunker,
Knocking on sealed old doors,
Where really no one and nothing is waiting for us -
Then do it. I won't fight against it.
But I'll stop believing your stories and arguing with you.

It may take time to unbury myself and get back to light,
But I promise, I will look at myself as a young sprout,
Because I owe it to myself.

Dear mind, consider my invitation to leave the bunker
And your old beliefs behind,
To restart as a beginner's mind.
I know my heart will receive us with love and compassion
In its beautiful and peaceful chambers of light.

Your body will be grateful for every healthy choice you make today.

I refuse to believe
That my life will always be
A fight

Fight against emotions
Fight against fears
Fight against tears

I refuse to believe
That my thinking will stay the same
That I'll have to keep playing the old game
Of repetitive patterns
With escape and avoidance becoming my second name

I see it and breath in
I step out and breath out
I step into my own body
Awarely choosing
What I want to believe.

I am capable to soften the edges.
To go from perfectionism towards connection.
To speak and act more from wisdom and love.
I am able to believe that I am truly enough.
Changing the paradigm one breath at a time.
I made self-guidance the new paradigm.

If it was incredibly uncomfortable, there is a big lesson behind it. You are growing.

Snap back to reality,
Snapping out of it
Breath in
Breath out
You're not alone with it
Let's conquer
Let's wake up
Let's become
Present again,
I know we're capable,
I will support you till the very end.

I love you.

Burning
Yearning
In my heart
It's deserving
To be heard.
Body's whispers
Become screams.
Thought streams,
Where are their hot springs?
Body-mind connection
Currently a hurtful interaction,
Heaviness inside.
Whether the mind's full or empty-
Hard to tell,
The spiral repeats,
Energy depletes,

As if under a
Spell,
Leaving the body
A heavy but empty,
A burning but cold,
A lifeless but longing
A hard but soft
Shell.

You're not behind. You're on your own unique path. Trust your journey.

Every stepping stone
With you, with us
Counts for me,
Does build trust

Slowly I believe in more,
Want to take in all of you
With my heart and soul
I feel safe with you, I do,

But out there the non existent dangers,
Created by my mind,
Are threatening enough,
To make many small accomplishments
Difficult and tough.

So I celebrate,
Every stepping stone,
With you by my side,
I believe even more,
I not only believe but I'm actually implementing,
What I learned all those years in pain and desperation.

The insecurity within me worries,
What If I'm just projecting some stories,
Onto you,
Putting my hope and soul in you,
Afraid to fall and shatter at some point...
But STOP
I need to let go of this voice.

Futile is the harming action in our minds,
It brings dissatisfaction, makes us blind,
It makes us lost and our potential fading...

But I believe in light within our hearts.