He sees right through me to who I am
Yet He loves me with all my faults as I am
He cries for me when I sit quietly alone
As I sob for broken hearts and a faraway home

When things aint worked out quiet as planned
He sent Jesus my saviour and my Lord the Lamb
To fix up my mess ups and plans that’s gone bad
He lifts up my spirit and blesses me when I’m sad

He feels my frustration and takes me by the hand
And shows me tomorrow won’t be so gloomy and bland
When all has gone wrong and all else fails
I know my Lord is mighty and above all He hails

If I stand back and let him take lead of my life
All will be over from worry to strife
When I rejoice and jump with glee
I know my Lord is smiling with me

At the darkest moment of my life
My Lord my God was by my side
He strengthened me and held me tight
And lifted me high with all his might

In times of pain and suffering
God’s love and mercy was undying
He feels my pains and agonies
And carries them along with me

Because my Saviours time is Right
I’ll keep on going with all my might
With Jesus in me I have the fight
To make it through each and every night

The road I've travelled thus up to now
I've made it through only Jesus knows how
It’s been a journey of endless fights
But Jesus raised me to new levels and heights

All though the laughter I've had lots
Sometimes happiness came at a cost
My pride and dignity I sometimes lost
But I clung to Jesus for all it cost

I sit right now and wonder how
I’ll make it through another hour
As I lay here full of fear
My operations very near

I pray to Jesus to comfort me
He whispers softly you will see
That through it all and from now on
All your pain and suffering is gone

From here on out and ever more
My loving healing on you ill pour
I’ll stay with you and keep you strong
I do not care however long

Until that day you know will come
And you will have to leave your home
But fear not dear
For ill be near

Right next to you
To take you through
From this here place of misery
To what you know is your destiny

Your home up yonder where I do dwell
To be with loved ones and have peace as well
Where all your hurt and worries fade
It’s a perfect home for you I made

You delivered my last wake up call  
Pressing your mouth on mine ringing me
to pick up a call from this ****** world
With that I sensed a cold breath of air running down my throat forcing me to grasp for air

But I remember jumping
I jumped for a reason
I wanted to drown in this vast sea
To have my last taste be of salt
But you pulled me up and handed me air
The last connection to my life line

Hesitantly I grabbed the gold plated phone
Opened my eyes and saw a bright red color
The color that defined you
I answered the phone on a storm less sailboat
And took my last chance at this very sad life

Elect me, Select Me
Support Me, Report Me
Democracy Needs Me
You all need Me

I am your Savior
I will fight for you
If there is no War
I shall start one for you

I am your Savior
I am your Warrior
Accept this Truth
Ultimate Truth

Beware if you Cheat Me
If you fail to Elect Me
I will break into the System
I will ruin it to Ashes

I follow this golden Rule
Either Win or Stalemate
I can initiate Religious Riots
I can give birth to Civil War

Therefore Elect Me, Select Me
Support Me, Report Me
Democracy Needs Me
You All Need Me

You all have no other Choice
So Never Ever search for it
I am your only Choice
So Stay Cool and Rejoice

If Jesus comes back ;
we’ll probably crawl to his sandals
and weep , “Where have you been ? Why haven’t you come for us ?”
That is , if we don’t **** him on sight .

I feel so alone right now
I look through my empty eyes
Just clinging to anything, anyone
I'm so tired, the pull is getting stronger
Sleep is useless, I dream no more

I'm being pulled into The Black Hole
I can feel that familiar emptiness
It's here, I don't want to fight anymore
I can feel It surrounding me

I'm inside looking out at life
Do I want to give up my life
Should I call out to others for help
Can I reach out with my hands

Maybe I'm too deep by now
Maybe I'll turn away and just fall
Do I really believe anyone cares
I can't decide, it's too much

I can see people I used to call friends
Maybe if I jump, I can grab the edge
Then I call out to anyone at this time
You heard my cry and turned to me

You reached out your loving hands
You took hold of mine, I felt different
The Black Hole didn't want me to go
I wrapped my hands around yours

You pulled, It pulled back with force
I was starting back up to the light
I looked up into your pools of life
I could see unrequited love there to

My heart and soul were overflowing
I could feel the grip of The Black Hole
This time, I chose to fight for my life
You pulled and I kicked free

At first, I felt very vulnerable
You wrapped me in Your arms
There are no words but I hear you
I feel and hear you in my soul

My depression blinded me from You
I was so wracked with my own issues
I forgot to look for a reason to pray
I forgot Your promise to all of us

Your promise to always walk with us
Your promise to always listen to us
Your promise to always care for us
All we need to do is to be humble and Pray and You will forever be there

When you feel like you have no one
When you feel like your life has let you Down and you can see It coming
Turn away, clear your thoughts
Humble yourself, get down on your Knees and pray

If we don't ask for what we need
With your voice, God loves to hear us  
He can't help unless you give your     Whole heart and soul and trust Him

He has promised to help us fulfill our Lives when you believe in Him
Jesus Christ is our only way to eternal Life, to be with God and your family

Jesus Christ pulled me from my Black Hole, my life is not perfect, I still live With problems in my normal life
The difference is I added Jesus Christ And God         I Believe      I have Faith

Written by Julia L Carlson Vogel
Please do not copy and pass as your work.  
@Copyright Julia L Carlson Vogel

What did you think little girl?
That he’d come and take you away?
He is also stuck,
A fly in honey
A fly on a sticky mat
A fly with its wings peeled off
Everyone needs rescuing
And now you’ll have to be your own ambulance
Your own siren call
Your own rescue helicopter
Your own intervention
It is okay, little girl
To want
To lose
To want to lose
And then want again
Forgive yourself a little,
To  be human is to have an excuse to err

Who were you then, I wonder still
A quiet boy with a twisted world view
While always looking down,
Somehow you showed us all the sky..
Refused to take your own advice
Then killed yourself so many times

Peas and pods, they're all the same
People, peasants, God's to blame
You're a fraud
You're a fraud
I know I know I know
Every word you spoke
Candied lies and bitter truths
But you numbed the pain, oh the pain..
How come you show up every time it rains...

It's a true freedom.
This blessing of life.
It's not the approaching new year,
Its the miracles raining upon my soul, this lack of fear.
I almost died, lost my freedom, lost my home, car and hurt for my loved ones.
I am so undeserving.
This grace Jehovah has me cushioned into the Palm of His Hand.
My life radiates with Joy . I thought I could never feel like this. I needed this traffic interception in the wilderness of my fields.
Far from what I left as a home.
Hit anything hard enough and something is bound to happen.
I want to scream in the abundance of clean Air and feel like a little child running in a park.
Lord Jehovah found me lying in the Utah fields of clay
He formed me from my living death and gave me another cherished joyful day.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Momma! Can you hear me? I can hear you singing through tears momma. Please don’t cry. It’s going to be ok momma. I’m not in the dark anymore. Here there’s only light, and plenty of room to run. Momma it’s amazing here!Everything is going to be ok. So please, please, please, momma, don’t cry, rest your head, let me sing to you.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

No one knows. No one knows the loss of my own body, the ripping and savagery that took my own flesh. The pain that blooded and caressed my thighs.

They did no wrong, they hadn’t even breathed never the less committed a single sin. My beautiful, beautiful baby. did I do you wrong? Did your creation create a target on your head. A punishment for my sin.

You didn’t deserve to be stripped of the earth, before you could even experience it. To be failed by the body that was supposed to love you the most.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

And I hold these red beads in my hands, thinking of that day when red was all I could see. Grasping this shield singing and praying for healing. Wondering who you could have been. Creating these ideas of who you would of looked like.

If you would of had my brown curly hair and his silly smile. If you would have his musical genius and my creative brain. Thinking just how beautifully beautiful you would’ve been.

Could you solve a math equation from the top of your head, would you sleep till noon like your father, or wake up early like me, would you continue the tradition and play tennis or would you create your own traditions, Would I walk you down the isle, or button up your tux? Oh my dear child you don’t even know what it would have been like to baptize you in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirt.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Baby my sweet child,
Why did you leave before I could even say your name?
Why did you give into the white light and leave me with a scarlet pain?

Did you sacrifice yourself to spare me of what life I would have lived with you in it?

But I want you in my life. I dream of your ringing footsteps, of you crying out for me, of holding you to my breast and carrying for you with everything I have.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Baby, I’m sorry I never got the chance to love you.
But you’re not a baby anymore now are you, you’re my little angel.
Sweet angel of mine, I’m sorry that I failed you. I’m sorry that I can’t internalize a reason for you death even though your death was internal for me.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you the life that you deserved.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

My beautiful baby I love you till this day.
You might be gone, but the idea of who you could have been lives on with me, forever.

I’m sorry our love died I’m sorry that my body wasn’t strong enough to hold you.
I was carrying so much, that it made me lose my everything that could of been you.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

I would have named you Mark or John, or Mary magdalin, I would have rocked you to sleep every night. Loved you with all of my heart, sing to you till your precious eyes closed, and I would be sure to let you know I loved you. I loved you while you were being formed, and I loved and I missed you while you were deformed.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Baby, sweet child of mine, how could you have left when there is so much love left for you here with me. Why did you go home before I had the chance to make you a home of this world. Before I could even see your face before we could even given you a name.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Precious little baby I know you’re at the gates of heaven, and I know you’re not mine, so all I ask from you is to send me a sign that you’re ok, that I can be ok without you.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

But I lay here barren and empty.
Scooped bare, and ripped apart internally.
I have nothing to give you but my love.
I will always love you. My sweet beautiful baby. And I will hold my hand to your previous home of my body and feel for your heartbeat, your sweet beautiful innocent heart beat and I will never forget you, the love of my life, the one I never knew.