a rush of adrenaline,
it's still without use.
i can't reach for medicine,
i can't help but lose.

The train didn’t leave the station—
it just waited for me to give up chasing it,
its engine a wolf panting in the dark,
smoke curling into the air
like the echo of a laugh,
a smirk I couldn’t outrun.

I ran because stopping felt like failure.
I ran like if I reached it, I’d finally be enough.
I ran until my lungs screamed,
until the soles of my shoes
wore whispers into the gravel.
I swore I heard it call my name,
but maybe it was just the wind,
mocking the way I mistook movement
for meaning.

For a moment, it slowed—
just enough to make me believe
I could catch it,
just enough to make me think
it wanted me there.

The train didn’t leave.
It sat there,
watching me unspool myself,
mile by mile,
breaking like an old clock
that refused to tick.

I thought if I ran fast enough,
I could earn its departure—
prove I was worthy of being left behind.
But it was never about speed.
It was about surrender,
about learning that some things
stay still just to watch you fall apart.

The train never moved.
It stayed quiet,
its shadow stretching long,
swallowing me whole,
burying me in forgetting.

I stopped running.
And that’s when I realized—
the train was never waiting for me.
It was waiting to remind me
that some things linger like shadows,
stretching long enough
to teach you how to let go.

i stood on the wide, dried green field, holding my gaze with the piercing green eyes locked on me. they bring full flooded memories of what used to be. his hand holding mine flashes before my eyes, myself slipping out of bed with him fast asleep behind me, and the nancy drew book slouched between our pillows. the walls close in on me, and the drowsiness tilts my head up only to hear the trailer door slam shut with footsteps running away. it slammed shut away in my head, where i am back to standing in this field. he is now running towards me and I am running far far far away.

You keep on running back to her
like a dog at dinner
you keep on running back to her,
banging on her door till she answers.
You know so much about her, yet you have yet to learn that her love for you is not pure.
You are so consumed by her beauty that it doesn't matter.
Her wrongs turn into rights,
her reds into yellows,
her deep brown eyes freezing you in time.
Her Love is so sinful,
yet you keep tugging on her rope till she falls down with you.

I've been running consistently to getting somewhere
And in this moment right here my soul couldn't care
About all the dreams or the scars or wishes
I've been planning to go through, for my body leaves
The sense of reality under the gravity
Of my own pressures and judgements, projections
Of being imperfect, these self-rejections
Disguised as ambitions
Couldn't fool any soul that they are soul missions

I've been running and bleeding and I'm tired of feeling
That I am constantly in need of some divine healing
Healing is not becoming someone you're not
But accepting yourself as you are, the whole lot
The shadows, the wounds and the darkness of past
The ways that you cling still to what did not last
The ways that you think endlessly into void
And the way that you let your thoughts steal the joy

Of being right here, nothing else to avoid,
Just being yourself, it's not to control
The ways you exist or defining your role
Into this life in such perfect ammounts
That things old as faith and as grace simply counts
To nothing

Cause I'll tell you, you're something
That could never be perfect, for you can't be a concept
But when you look at the rain or the sea, anything
That nature has brought into this here existence
When has the mind ever had the persistance
Or the ***** to say something as perverted,
As : "that is not perfect, it's not in control,
Of it's own fate or soul, there is too much flow
It's allowing itself to go with, it must be tormented "

For existence was always meant to be accepted
As a jellyfish accepted the tide or a leaf in the wind accepting a ride
Life never happened by action, it just was allowed
To come into being by the one who is proud
To exist as he is, silent or loud
Or however it felt called up on the mount
Of his body or shape, incarnation or being
Regardless of pain, imperfection or grieving

Things such as healing or letting go of control
Were never intended to torment the soul
Into changing what happened or what it desires
What it feels that should be or the band and the choires
It hears, but instead, it was meant to accept
What exists as it is in the now, it's direct
And it's grounding and kind and just this moment
Can bring an end to the winter that stood
In your door and your house when you said that life should
Be different somehow in the way that it goes
But you cannot decide nor the waves nor the flows
Of the ocean, the wind or the boat you are rowing
But just the direction you decide it's worth going


So if you ever have wished for a different ending,
Know that it's here, and it starts with accepting
That life is not made for the ways of expecting
But for trust and for faith in this neverending
Journey of life and this always changing
Existence you are, it's about surrendering

To who you are and the present you're living
And about the love you're allowing and giving
Yourself when you start being here and receiving
All that's been waiting for you to start feeling
Worthy of living.

_M.

Come far away, come fly away.
It’s another day in the sun.  

don’t know where to go, just followin the road
running won’t change our fate.
where does the highway go to die ?

We’re too far now
I feel the breath of a gun on my neck
I can already feel the crows staring to peck
all we can do is wait till they come.

Come far away, come fly away.
another day in the sun.

waiting for the crows to come
Time to face what we have done
there’s nowhere left to run.  
How long stands between us and a shot gun.

Come far away, come fly away.
It’s another day in the sun.
Till the crows come.

Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust,
The end of all we knew.
The death of all the love and trust,
To be reborn anew.

Spring, rebirth, a phoenix,
All symbols we have seen.
One step forward, not a trick
Fleeing from where I’ve been.

Who was I? It matters not,
What matters is where I go.
Sure-footed now, giving all I have got
Can’t let the relief show.

The past is behind, and I don’t dare look back -
Or else I may lose the way
One day at a time, my plan of attack,
I am stronger, or so they say.

What will I face? I’m excited to see
Despite all I’ve left behind.
The worst has now gone, I guarantee
No more will I be blind.

You’re by my side, that’s the difference this time
The reason I’m so sure -
We've both had to hide, now there's you in your prime,
Two halves of something pure.