You were the sudden taste of champagne on my tongue
you gave me a taste of my future
and gave me courage
making me explode with every feeling imaginable

You were the choker on my neck
restraining your emotions with a hint of humor
changing the past & making it present

You were the pencil in my hand
erasing everything I thought I knew about love and coming up with your own definition

You were the view from my window
giving me a peak into a curious, beautiful new world awaiting me the chance to explore

You were the fog after the storm
unknown & mysterious
causing me to wander

You were the puppeteer
putting on a show
with me as your puppet
only to leave within a matter of time

have my colours
stained your lips?
can you still taste me
in pastel traces
of fingerprints that
ring your neck,
a collar to
restrain you from
painting over
another girl
with your corrupt
palette.

She bought herself flowers.
I wanted to cry.

She bought herself flowers.
I had to bite my tongue.

She bought herself flowers.
I had to remember that I can't.

She bought herself flowers.
I hoped he noticed.

She bought herself flowers.
I wished he would be inspired to change.

She bought herself flowers,
Looked at me,
And gave me a look that said that she knew
That they would be from me.

She bought herself flowers,
And my restraints fell away.

She bought herself flowers,
And I stopped wanting to play nice.

She bought herself flowers
Because she is dying inside.

She bought herself flowers
Because she cannot be mine.

Beat
Beat back the urge

Beat it back to the Stone Age
You nerd!

I got a motor mouth
A mile a minute
It's a song and dance
But I'm not in it

Bite
Bite your lip

Fool yourself into thinkin'
You've beat it

I got a tigger finger
No gun to pull
A fragile headstock
Lost my cool

I'm tic tock tic tock tic tock tickin away
I'll blast off like a rocket into outer space
You can keep it down for a little while
But soon enough you'll be forced to smile

Keep
Keep your cool

Keep it locked up tight
One rule

I got a worn out shirt
It Never fits right
I shift my shoulders
Under the lights

Make
Yourself do better

Make it all go away
It's the weather


I'm a bit twitchy Don't touch me
I need you to love me
You're so far above and I'm so far below
I'm losing control and it's just not enough
My nerves are aching to just get rough
I'm worried what happens if I'm in freeze
I get up the itch and I need a release
There's so much to manage to do and to say
My mouth is just in the way

I'm tic tock tic tock tic tock tickin away
I'll blast off like a rocket into outer space
You can keep it down for a little while
But soon enough you'll be forced to smile

When Bonny came,
Bonny didn't know what Bonny had done,
Bonny triggered a gun.
Bonny made sense.

I felt the rush
of blood as it gushed out -
no more a stream,
but an ocean of vast tomorrows
and fragile dreams
inside a fragile being -
For the fragile being is most vivid
when in love, and
when the senses are above all

Nonsensical.
Irrational.

Dense! with idiocy

I forgot in a moment
all my woes.
Bonny made sense.

When Bonny looked away
Bonny didn't know Bonny made me sad,
Bonny came at a time I wish I never had.

Some days, I can't handle it.

I want to say things. Sweet things. Promises and pardons, compliments carefully crafted, and dreams shared without pause.

Other days, I want to say things of a different persuasion.

Inflammatory things.

Things to excite.

Commands and urges, excited utterances, explicit descriptions, and whispered secrets.

My job is to write, to craft speech, and my passion is how words are used.

Is it any surprise that words strain my limits, fighting to come out?

So, if you wonder why I didn't say what was on my heart, you can know it wasn't because I didn't have the desire.

Some words have consequences.

One day, I will accept those consequences as a necessary result of showing all of me.

Today is not that day.

I arrived at my station in Kaliningrad
as if posted there by an army of desires
entering through the gate with a firm set jaw
into the guarding teeth of iron girders
driven into the soft soul of the soil
by hammering heels as bold as yours

approaching a fateful encounter quite naughty
amidst ghosts in an Eastern European night
its sights built when all roads led to Königsberg city
taking pretty daughters of frightening Prussian knights
to a military parade past the rust of heavy industry

a call to arms wrapped tight up against youthful skin
dark forces dressed in lace trimmed girdles of passion
its secret codes covered by accents slightly Russian
sounding like love slipping into a cold war assignation

you were too beautiful by half
too perfect to wear jeans
so like the uniform concrete paths
abandoned to such ghastly stains
they attract me like works of art
that someone envious of being outlasted
had to spray with swirling tattoo paint
yet the matt camouflage fades fast
while your beauty is chiseled into my days
its ageless gloss defying the wind and dust

whipping across the wonderful blocks called home
built by socialist bloc labourers whose ***** hands
must have toiled for the day you were born
and set free the naked ambition of men that yearn
for a dessert of finely moulded vision
beyond the blue vein cheese and a little wine
into warm baths steaming away the tension

which had crossed our paths with precise chains
snapped together in a demand for attention
“stop - no tourism beyond here after 5pm”
but you knew diversions locked in 'till round 2am
a stress release submitting to the pull of a comforter
gentle in the peace of the goose-down we slept in
the softness of the rattles
the worst
of your corrupters