I’m barely a poet,
yet you’re still my muse.
I say it doesn’t hurt-
that my purpose is views.
Steps I take forward
toward moving along
make you more distant,
and that feels ******* wrong.

I know that you know and
it could never be the same.
I just have to figure out
how to remove ache from your name.
The letters, they hurt
when they sit side by side-
and to hear them out loud?
A blast to my mind.

Because I like to spiral,
to wonder and dream.
I erased our messages-
yet here you come on my screen.
You can’t give me an inch-
I will dream a whole mile.
I’ve been that way always,
since I was a child:
hoping and loving
and dreaming for better.
I hate accepting reality-
and this ****** weather.

I can romanticize rain
and thunder and storms,
pretend they can heal me,
make me accept new norms.
But I miss my lover,
so quiet, so sweet,
and leaving that love
drowning feels like defeat.

What you are to me,
is a restless wind,
a boat that’s ever shifting
loose and slowly drifting
on a deep and churning sea,
always blowing, never knowing
where or what you are meant to be,
a moody cloud that’s shifting
through a grey unsettled sky
looking for a something,
although you never know quite why

Why does it feel
Like im wasting my time
Like my life is fading
To the back of the line
When nothing is wrong
But nothing feels right
Do I go back to sleep?
Or do I drown in the night?

I've made a fool of myself
When I said I don't need anyone's help
I can't survive with my eyes on the time
But my own life never felt like mine

When will my dreams feel real
Again
Like they're not just stuck in my
Head
And my body will move like im
Young
And I'll break free from
Everyone

Sometimes her skeleton doesn’t sit right
Before the sunrise and since midnight
The room filled with haze, her chest is too tight
And with every yawn, eyes open in spite

I’ll take this panic attack
And drive her car right off the road
Off the bridge, that sinking feeling
About to sleep and not explode

I do wish we hadn't met actually
I don't want to ache like this
Because of you I know things can be different,
And it's me who sits around complacent
You made my mind feel young again
And I had the audacity to wish

I dreamt of airplanes, and long drives through the states,
Coffee dates in the morning, every night staying up to game.

I pictured a wedding! One where I say I do.
That would have never happened if I never came across you.
I'm dissecting my feelings, which isn't unusual to do, but I'm doing it from your perspective, and you'll never know so *******.

If I never knew you I could have just stayed on my path, not wondered what different, gentler things could be like,
Because I'm not destined for that.

If I only said "Hi" and went on my way, not giggling at your texts each and every day,
Would I be arguing with myself unjustifying reasons not to stay?

Balconies are begrudging bearers of idyllic sunsets
Should they rest as nothing more they wanted

Would you sit there and wilt into the sullen, saddened laughter
Of another lonesome worrier wondering through their mind

Forgotten are the passer-byers in the wake of changing times
I've forgotten not the cool chirping air deafening my sense

No more are for the cradle's tulle warping around me
With gentle precision hanging amid a hammocked cornucopia

Graceful shining shifts from sudden places
High and crowded seen by eyes hidden in laces