Break
Break
Break
Break
Break it
Broken
Braving the
Open.
Sudden.
Opportunity
Sees me
Repeating cycles of
Toxic masculin
It teases me
Poisons
Seeping in
Claiming what’s mine
The mind.
Weakening.
Beginning again
A grinning ‘been there’
The light singeing my hairs
As is breaks through the skin
Bleeding
Breaking
Broken
A break in
Rhythm
So break
Break
Break
Break
Break it
Broken
Braving the
O
Again.

Prematurely mourning
for a heart that hasn't broken yet,
I know the path is dangerous;
I'll risk it all again.

I see can see the quiet
illuminated in the night;
the silence speaks outloud inside
each time I close my eyes.

Nostalgic, painful memories
frozen, falling like hailstones,
and I hear whispered warnings
hidden in each wicked wind which blows.

That which is done can't be unseen
That which is unseen, may never be
That which may never be, such loss
That which is such loss, albatross
That which is albatross, you run
That which you run from, is no fun
That which is no fun, shouldn't be done
That which shouldn't be done, don't see
That which you don't see to, won't be
That which won't be, is total loss
That which is total loss, albatross
That which is albatross, is you run
That which you run from, is... wait what?
That which is wait what, give no buts
That which you give no buts, is done!
That which is done, ad nauseam

I sit here trying to wrap my head around the world.
Its hard when your anchored at at your feet.
You scream but no one hears you. 
Running to only find that your running in place the whole time.
Fear is real and there's no escaping whats right in front of you.
No choice but to deal with whats on repeat.
I used to be told sweet dreams yet dreams don't seem so sweet.

second chances
  third chances
      fourth chances
     renewed trusts
replenished damaged belief
               pride and prejudice
hurt and sadness
           fifth chances...
      making up
               making out
        waking up half ashamed
             walking out half naked
     walking off the emptiest night of your lives
                      forcing a smile
                  pretending to be fine
         pretending to be fine
                                pretending to be fine
            pretending to be fine
                 lying            
                     knuckling under
                                       lying
                                falling behind
                          pretending to believe each other
               trustfalls
                   with
                      a
                 harness
                          trust
                         falling
                          apart
trust broken forever.
       sixth chances...
                 tears-----
          weeping-----
           sobbing-----
                    gnashing of teeth-----
   staring into the mirror blankly at 3am
               crying yourself up until 9
glass shard pressed smoothly
                                                     against your wrist
                                            total darkness...      
                               undoable sadness...
                      uncurable brokenness...
              unsatiable...
       irrevocable...
irreversible...
           -------seventh chances
                pain.
       ------eighth chances
           cries.
    ------ninth chances
        lies.
-------tenth chances
      more 'last' goodbyes.
              et cetera

I'm dreading.

To pack everything,
from the place we used to call ours.

The empty boxes are staring back at me.

I can't bring myself to fill them.

I'm scanning the apartment that used to be ours..

I'm seeing our history repeating itself.

I somehow see your shadow from the kitchen,
and mine from the living room.

I hear your laughter when you mess up cooking..

And suddenly you're everywhere, and I'm paralyzed.

I can't move you into boxes, and I can't leave you.

Yet I need to leave you within this walls..