You look better when I close my eyes.
Because I’m a horrible person
a horrible person who still thinks of her when I’m with you.
Yet again, when I’m with her, who I was gets lost.
because honestly, I was broken
—She broke me—
I am broken, but you’ve seen me as whole.

My hair was always dark—
A quiet oath to who I’d been.
It clung to me like truth,
Framing features I had learned to love.
Even as a girl, I wandered shades—
But the dark always called me home.
Strangers knew me by its wave,
Its certainty, its ease.
It was mine.
And it was enough.
Until you.

You liked bright.
You liked wild.
You liked her—
The red that lit your eyes.
So I told myself,
Maybe if I bled the dark away,
You’d see me with that same fire.

So I sat beneath the light and bowl,
Watched bleach strip years from my strands,
Watched red bleed into who I was,
Not because I loved it,
But because you might love me.

You said you liked it.
So I added more.
Layered hope on top of damage,
Waiting for your heart to catch.

And it did.
You liked me—or at least the version
I burned myself to become.
But now, in the quiet of my mirror,
I meet a stranger with copper strands,
Not the girl who knew her worth,
But one who traded it away
For something small
And fleeting.

I miss the girl who never asked
If she was enough.
I miss the dark.
I miss the strength.
I miss the truth
That once lived in my reflection.

And now I know—
Love that demands you change
Will never hold the parts
You buried to be chosen.

I should’ve never gone red.
Not for you.
Not for anyone.
Not at the cost of me.

It’s not my fault
Is what I’m trying really hard to believe.
But you are the sweetest
So how can someone like you do this to me.o

It’s not my fault,
I keep telling myself.
I was ******* drunk,
You shouldn’t have take my yes legitimate.

It’s not my fault,
It’s hard to believe you would take advantage like that.
I’m usually the problem .
But it wasn’t mine this once.

It’s not my fault,
You should have know better,
I think you did.
You just knew I would never allow this sober.

It’s not my fault
you jumped at my “yes”
Then had the nerve to say the next day
I would never without consent.

I’m trying so hard to quiet that voice,
Keep repeating to myself,
It’s not my fault,
But I think it’s my fault.

Time appeals to those who wait,
A calendar without a date.
No point of interest here or there,
A nomad life without a care.

Until one day a lone chance fleeting,
Made in haste upon a lazy greeting.
Will you dip your toe within those rivers,
Of contraband? and selfless givers.

Upon the rostrum bear your soul,
As naked as a childs doll.
While new sensations spark the senses,
you seize your mind but body tenses.

So onward! now from past decay,
Yes! homeward bound youll start today.
To feed the mind instead of silence,
You now see beauty in the violence.

Such wild distemper of a troubled mind,
Seek recompense in all you find.
For time is always on the side,
Of new Spring flotsam on the tide.

So grasp that oar with all your might,
Muster all your nerves to fight.
Lifes breaking waves and vicious tide,
For time is always on your side.

And at last he prayed,
Prayed since all hope had perished,
All virtues faded and all sentiments gone.
Down the river he now floats, cursed with angst and pain.
He mourns his loss but his grief won't go away, for this is the consequence —
The consequence of action he so inadvertently did without a second of thought.
Oh, the lives he ruined, the chaos he brought.
Denial is the river, and denial is what he sought.

In denial he drowned,
And in denial he remained.

-Asher Graves

Some of them say we were split at the start
Off I go stumbling, a half-cocked Cortes
After Venus who has part of my heart
"This gold is for God," my grinning mouth says

Some of these brothers were split right in two
By saw on the rawest end of the deal
Standing right next to that heavenbound crew
Of me does this old world quite worthy feel

Some of my feelings are split as of now
I want to stand, ask, and be justified
But as indignation pulses my brow
Holy teeth rake and scrape out the inside

Perhaps I'm just grinding salt into flesh
Trying by brute force to make the two mesh

This life has had it's way
This place has had its way with me
This loss that burns so cold
Won't back down it will never go away

These dying breaths are fading now
Seems like breathing has lost its charm
That flame i once felt inside
Seems the glow finally died

The memories i had of you
And the place where we ran through
Streams and waterfalls
The memories are fading now
Just like the strength that carried us through
Dreams and waterfalls

Is this what it will come to?
A drowning pool of hopeless heartache
A pond where memories die
Slowly drained and washed away

If i had the strength i would lift us up
If i had some more undiscovered ways
But this time it is real
This time i will surely die

This is the last goodbye
The final words of regret
This is the last goodbye before i die