You've got a warm heart, a beautiful brain, but it's disintegrating.

You start in this world as a naive person, as you get older, you get wiser, some more than others, people had to grow too fast, people didn't have to grow at all, some grew just right.

I unfortunately am the more wise, which is a blessing and hurtful curse, I can't read people's minds, but I can see why they did what they did, I've always been able to.

I do envy the others who didn't have to grow up like me, with their picture-perfect families, high awards for just existing, it all seems cruel for a 15-year-old to go through so much.

But it's a gift more than a curse since now I am vigilant, I've missed pellets of bullets coming for my armour, you learn after the first gunshot, but learn more when they come, you update your walls and go back to normal, or collapse altogether.

I'm strong but I'm also weak, I'm kind but also rude, you have to do that in this world, nobody is that strong, not even me, and I cant tell if that's a gift or sacrilege, but since my present is in my brain, I cant wrap it back up and pretend it never happened.

Once you learn something like wisdom, there is never going back, your heart cools down a little, and your brain starts to grow dandelions, charming, but just weeds in the end, weeds of regret for how I've acted so far.

Wisdom is a beauty and a curse; use it wisely.

I know that love aches,
I knew that going in.
It's hard to replace,
And the pain never ends.

Another heartache
For the ever-growing list
Of men I chose
For an over-indulgent tryst.

There's one thing in common,
One basic flaw:
The very simple matter
They fell for me at all.

It’s me,
The incompatible one,
The one longevity doesn’t trust.
You saw me plated in gold,
But it’s just
A thick layer of rust.

I thought that we could beat this,
Outrun all my fears
But that’s not your responsibility,
And neither are my tears.

I’ve been staring at the man in the mirror, not with anger, but with something closer to grief. Not the loud kind, but the quiet, lingering sort, the kind that no longer cries, yet never leaves. It sits at your bedside for years, silent and familiar. He looks like me, almost exactly. But something’s off, as if he’s a half-truth wearing a borrowed shadow. His eyes still carry the questions I gave up on long ago. What did you do with the boy I used to be? That boy’s purpose was soft, like a butterfly’s kiss. His hands, once open to the world, now curl into fists. His dreams stretched wide as the sky, yours are buried in the wasteland you call a life. You worked hard to speak in a calmer tone, to convince yourself this cage was a home. You claimed strength, mistaking numbness for power, then wondered why it felt so hollow. And now, even with scars sealed shut and time dulling the sting, I still feel the ache. I still find myself under those same stars, catching glimpses of the boy I once was,a flicker, a choice not yet forgotten. I won’t hate you, though it would be easier. Hate is clean. But this? This is tangled. It’s a love, fraying at the edges, nearly torn by everything you lost trying to make amends. So I look again. Even if just for a second, catching that faint burn behind your eyes. It’s not bright. It’s not pure. But it’s real. And it’s still mine. And that, I think, is enough, for something new to grow.

Maybe I will have a drink at a party with my friends,
And yeah, we’ll probably talk about how it was never going to work anyway.
We’ll laugh, and we’ll dance, pretending we’re fools,
And maybe someone asks to buy me a drink.

Time will freeze.
My smile will falter, just barely,
Feeling the ache before the butterflies,
Because moving on never really means forgetting,
                   Does it?

Good and bad —
Light and darkness —
Day and night —
I've tried to be divine,
And I've run from evil,
Or so it seemed...

But the evil within me —
Wouldn't leave;
I pray,
I repent,
I accept shame
as my cloak;
I shrivel the goodness
Unseen...

I split,
Disconnect;
Become a kaleidoscope
of regret.
Days lost
in a fruitless
quest —

Isn't it easier
to just
Embrace the evil within me?!