Rolling hills in the country seen him fall apart and put himself back together day in and day out. He remained buoyant and intact because he loved. His heartbeat was loud for everyone, especially for his kids. I watch him tear up when he’s proud, and cry when he misses his mom. Hurt by the world, but still smiles to reassure the blisters will heal, and to seek elucidation for why the hills watch.

I'm in need.
My self doubt like a snowball
and it's picking up speed.

I'm in need.
I look like a flower
but I grow like a ****.

I'm in need.
My head trapped in a cage
and it must be freed.

I let the feeling in of loss spread in my chest like a devious seed.
Why do I do these things when they cause me to bleed?

If I just keep pushing
I will never succeed
I will reach too far down this road
Where it is too late to recede
Down into my throat
These false fixes i force feed

reassurance
support
love
honesty

What do I need?

You sit or you stand there, not moving
While I’m shaking with the effort to stay
You laugh when I try to tell you something
Already you know what I’m trying to say
It’s selfish, I’m being entirely unfair
But I want to cause an effect
I live for you, all I own I share
And I resent it sometimes when I reflect
I spiral over events I forget within hours
Throw words like tangible objects at you
Forget that you’ve brought me flowers
Forget how you smile at “Love you too”s
I move everything in your direction
Where you are is where I want to be
My thought process needs a bit of correction
I know even when you’re far, you still love me

Guess you're gone again
Watched you walk away;
You always said breathe out then in;
Know you'll be back someday.

Same seeks same to find its home
Not meant to chase the vogue
Some souls are surely made to roam
Rebel always chooses Rogue.

And rebels need a reason
We can’t abide bad laws; yet
Against the heart there is no treason
When standing for a Cause.

Always loved unspoken things
Like the thrill of open sky
Every bird must find its wings
To let go of fear and finally fly.

Beneath your chest there beats a fire
A powerful creature that needs to be free
Weave these words into the pyre
This is who you’re meant to be.


And I refuse to be your cage,
Won’t bind your feet or blind your soul
Won’t consign you to dance on broken stage, ‘cos
You’re meant for more than that role.

Can’t hide a sky of stars in a box
Can’t bottle a boundless tide,
Can’t block nature behind black locks,
Though I’m ashamed to say I’ve tried.

If you must fade to find your grace
Because you’re made of art,
Just know you always have a place
Wherever waits this heart.

So,
You’re always free to go, and
Seek each untraveled road;
Build your dream abode.

Just please hear this song
That I’ve been singing all along:
I’ll always prove your fears were wrong, for
Some things will not erode.

it doesn’t feel the same anymore
it feels forced from your behalf
it feels fake
and broken

i feel like i’m going to push you again
because i love you too much
and you’re going to leave
me
alone

i don’t want to let you go
but should i be feeling this pain?
should i always be hurt?
should i always be scared?

please tell me you love me
more
please tell me i’m all you need
more

i know i’m needy
and too loving
and too crazy about you
but i need reassurance from you

that everything’s going to be alright
and that you’ll always be there
for me
in the end.

Time is money
Every tick of an hand
Life runs away
Never know where it stands
Surely it’s not for free
1 micro-litre of blood per second
Invested in you
For I thought
Was worthwhile
You must know
And reassure
That it was not
For a waste