Heat, in a passionate stare
Caring for a simple dream...
Waiting is a world, to wish in an avidity's care
Is a beautified season, of this history, a quiet queen?

The throne of a royal woman...
Doe's, a hallowed choice begin at home?
Antiquity would indicate, a sense of reason
Long looks at a man, and the void of what silence has done?

Anarchy in a song has sprung into view
Paces and passion, patience and promises
With an original muse, for when asking is who...
Has the voice of earthen stares and worthier cares, a being for wise?

Is new and again later, the fate come to you forth a hug?
Was youth a drama of whole liberty, or the consumption of a kiss?
Silence is forever a king to come, like a house of a wish in love?
As shrewd as this may seem, is us a season for that if this?

Shame becomes a list of anxiety, with a moment to tell...
Youth is a story of a quiet and austere generosity, you should give...
Until a shadow has been named by itself, as if a world was little...
More than faith of others, when special was a curiosity to live...

The day of pregnancy's beauty?
The song has become a human challenge, that has been won
By now; you may have noticed how droll a hap can be, for suiting...
But champion's with privilege's cloth, will become a voice for seeking eternal love...

The feeling is exciting
A thrilling feeling the first day you stop taking the pill
The pill that should prevent you from getting pregnant
A pill you have swallowed every day for years
Suddenly it is gone from your everyday routine
You want to start a family of three

Your body is shocked
Shocked by suddenly feeling itself again
Shocked by not being regulated by prescribed hormones
New types of cramps, new changes to your body, new sensations,
Suddenly being aware of your body is part of your everyday routine
You want to start a family of three

Every cycle is tracked
You want to try and find that golden fertile window
Peeing on ovulation sticks to check if the line is getting darker
Introducing transactional *** in the bedroom
Suddenly tracking your ovulation is part of your everyday routine
You want to start a family of three

You know you had *** at the right time
The two week window waiting game starts
Peeing on a pregnancy test fills you up with hope and anxiety
Trying to stay in control to protect yourself
Suddenly stocking up on pregnancy tests is part of your everyday routine
You want to start a family of three

Finally the two lines show
You have a positive result
The many previous exhausting months feels worth it
Now new symptoms and worries are introduced
Suddenly asking Doctor Google for advice is part of your everyday routine
You want to start a family of three

The 12 week scan feels far away
Each day feels like two
Getting to the first scan is now the only focus
You hope for the best but fear the worst
Suddenly checking for blood in your underwear is part of your everyday routine
You want to start a family of three

The fear is confirmed
You see the dreaded blood
Your body is back in shock and your mind quickly follows
All the dreams and hopes the two lines created disappear within a second
Suddenly feeling empty is part of your everyday routine
You want to start a family of three

Hormones, emotions and pain fills up your body
You fight to find a reasoning but know it is nature’s way
Trying to focus on the positive in a negative space
You know you succeeded once so you say to yourself the two lines will appear again
Suddenly feeling empowered to restart the process is part of your everyday routine
You want to start a family of three

Two pink lines show on the test once again
The anxiety of losing is lifted day by day
9 months pass and you are finally here
Lying in my arms, feeding from my breast, growing into your own person
Suddenly feeling grateful is part of our everyday routine
You made us a family of three

~
Maternal midnight

Metallic lakeside

Freon heart, fayence mind

Eyelids of iron ore

Influence feet into the water

Into an embargo bay

Clear and innocuous, innocuously blind

Hills like white elephants on a polar plateau

Mosquitos on her mouth

Drink the blood of encryption

Change the tone of her voice

They pass behind the blue vein

Become infinite particles of her
~

A heart that never beat
changed my whole life.
I could feel the life
leave your tiny mass—
a devastating realization
I didn’t want to believe.
Even when the blood started flowing,
I still had hope.
Not until you left my body
did I accept your fate.
The sight of you
still flashes
through my mind.

there is magic in a steaming cup
in seeing with sick eyes
through the white morning

A woman who moves in silence
Her face softened by the distance

She carries a life
not numbered
a beating heart for two
so big the walls bend around her
as if to say
“nevermind the others”

Two hours.
I'm supposed to wait two hours
to determine my future.
i can hear my mother's warnings in the back of my mind
oddly enough, all i can think about is diapers
none of this seems real,
yet i can feel the anxiety coursing through my body
my fingernails chewed down to stubs
the person in the mirror is hardly worth looking at
i can only see time swallow me whole, starting with my eyes
then spiraling into something beyond my control.
how
did i
end up
here.
two hours two hours two hours
my bouncing leg threatens to detach from my body
diapers. stroller. mom. baby. no dad.
last week i carefully picked out my clothes,
hoping the girls in my class would think i'm worth glancing at.
in nine months, i could be carrying a human that i bore.
at least i'll have time to process for nine months.
time to prepare.
time to mourn.
mourn for what?
a life you know you'd never have the motivation to live?
a life you know you never even had the potential for?
Was this supposed to be your life after all?
No living, only surviving?
two
hours
pass
in that time, i've settled on the brand of diapers i should buy,
how i'll tell my mother,
the nearest hospital to our house,
and how i'll have to quit smoking.
But then I look,
I look without thinking about it.
With the same impulsiveness that got me here in the first place,
I look.
There is no ring.
My life can resume.
My little life with no greater purpose.
My boring little life with no ring.

Yesterday, she told me something I didn’t think that I’d ever hear
That life would be changing, all rearranging, and all of it in less than a year
I thought about my life, staring at my wife, wondering if she felt the same
That’s when she told me, honey come hold me, and lets see if we can think of a name

Today, she showed me something I didn’t think that I’d ever see
A black and white picture, showing the mixture, of love between her and me
She said it’s time don’t you think, to buy something pink, or should we buy something blue?
I then smiled at her, said it didn’t matter, I’d be fine with whatever God wanted to do

Tomorrow, I’ll meet someone that I didn’t think that I’d ever meet
Lying there in the bed, with their pretty head, little hands and tiny feet
I promise with my soul, now that you’ve made us whole, to give you everything I never had
And I can’t wait for the day, when you’re able to say, that you love your mom and dad