one of my biggest fears,
the thing that i dare not touch—
hope

and yet, somehow
my fists are bloodied,
my grip bruising

i did deign to hope
held it between my hands:
the fragility of wanting

do not let them see me
here, vulnerable, soft
on my knees

praying or begging,
i may not know
all i know is this:

i have found hope
and it is cruel to me
but i am not letting go

Every time I opened a door
I pray that when I walk through
I’ll be transported to another universe
Where you’re at home waiting for me
On the other side

let me write with ink
staining the pages as I go,
let it resonate across continents,
religions and races,
sparing the blood of innocents

let me plead with ink,
tears flowing as crimson now does on streets
let me show you humanity,
what words I can write, I think of you as I do

for we are in uncertain times indeed,
tatters of humanity, disguised in infants' cries
lost in the hope that tomorrow, the strange sounds will stop
to bring back the sun and watch it shine,
to live in memories of what was once divine

let me give you my love, with ink
gentle hands caressing my pen
oh this world could use a poet;
in fact, it can do with many more-
instead of unsteady hands pulling the trigger
as they go.

Traces of others,
other
beings, in this now, ours, yours
his, hers, each
other
an other mind with a me and you
as other wise.

When I thought of you, then
I thought of me, of us, as a we,
agreeing,
aggressively gratifying a curiosity, a we
some grace makes possible, put right,
here at now,
awesome, not unmazing, not taking out,
not loosing in diabolic twists from known, no.

Now, in all time,
way out there where our augmented eyes stare
into the light of day, way, way far away, out there

where when is moot,
now is all the time we made, by being willing
to wander down a stack of words all lined up, pretty.

Cogito, ergo sum
But what do I think?
And what, pray tell,
What effect does this have
On my being?
If what I constitute
Is alone, based on action,
Based on thought
What can we say of man today?

Here, the wind whips
The desert sand
Into a furious haze
That blinds all in
It's vicinity

Here, my neighbor is
Dragged out and ******
And my other neighbor
Is drugged out, ******
Different burden, different labor

I pray,
On my knees
Toward the east.
I pray for change
I beg and plead,
Please

i step in
the hot shower
for about an hour
giving myself
10 seconds to cry
before falling to the floor
pulling the curtain liner
praying to the faith
of my surrender

i hope it happens soon
i hope the water
can be the one to love me
enough to pull me under

the tornado inside
let’s the whirlwind of highs
project violet skies
that now only live
within the white noise
of heavens sunrise

i wanted to go out
the way you did

but sometimes
god laughs at the plans
you make out to die

While I'm awake
I see the world
As twisted as it is

My thoughts wander
Time zones away
How are you?

I'm thankful to live
Breathe in the air
Take in the love

We're far away
But I love you
So I sit and pray

I pray for your happiness
While I may not be it
And I pray for your safety
While my shelter is vacant

To love you true
Is to pray for you
Since I can't have you now
Thats what I'll do

-AJT