Shattered shields; these many lowered defences;
Over the plains of a threshold over my doom
In person I’m broken down, in spirit I am laughing,
Speaking, singing; losing most of the space in time,
And the pieces of my body and mind; tasting the
Spectacular taste of defeat, in a sepulchre of a void

To my past, I am a ghost haunting it in memories –
Screaming at my younger self; but no sound is heard
Holding onto old flames of love; there lies my handful
Eating at my skin, ripping and tearing, until ash is my hold

I was born from mud, in this world made of dust –
The tears of heaven wet my dry skin into being;
The heat of the sun gave the warmth of love, and lust
Here, under this moss I placed my thumb to crush my flower
I was born a love poem with no real idea on how to love,
So, I sit quietly and wait, waiting for another loss in love
To have been in love, to find love again, is to understand
Your heart’s love; maybe there’s too much love in it
To fully understand it all at once; all too strong to hold!

spongey bones
ten little toes
not a single cry is heard.
i did not sing when
brought into this world.

bright blue eyes
grandfather in a tie
silent doctors grim and telling lies.
"we have no reason to believe
that she is in any pain"

twisted tendons
agony, unending
reshaping, like im made of clay
sterile tubes and lights
was all I knew, for so many nights

a macabre expanse
of leather and metal in a cruel dance
the clicking like the knell at my guillotine
fear strangling with cold hands
while the sheets witness suppressed sobs

she is not yet one
but her torture is not close to done.

change is the only constant
but being is open-hearted
& loving more.

i don’t want to be so
drunk
that i wake up in gun hill road.
home on new year’s day. 7 am.

for me, you can always reclaim a
sense of sanity
even in a time of chaos.

there are many things that
one
cannot reclaim.

why should i try?
if those things are gone…

did i need them in the
1st place?

self-worth comes back.
things get stolen.
for something
new.

inspired by tony labrusca's portrayal of josé rizal

babae likes me contained.
me—a tupperware full of lumpia.
i'm soggy, *****.
*****—inday—i'm gwapo. fried uy.

sorry. soggy.
druggy. sorry.

my chest tattoos?
yes, they can be removed.
will that be provided in my—

nevermind. thank you.
she opened her purse.
hard candy.

waving me away.
sorry carb-eating lad.
she is just ******* hard candy.
cgeh. babay. cgeh bi.

jose, they say you wrote novels.
but i wonder—
did you ever write yourself out?

did you watch your own ink
bleed into the soil?
did you wish for something softer?

in the way i am devoured. hero forgotten.
in the way i am swallowed
whole—one piso coin
by lovers, by history, by a name
they gave me before i ever
spoke too. ii

A splintered moon shatters in my eye,
its fragments sinking into the marrow.
Beneath, the earth cracks open,
teeth gnawing at roots that had no names.

My breath is smoke,
dissolving in a throat too old to speak.
Flesh crumbles like ash,
a flame that failed to burn.

A voice calls from the dark,
but it is dust before it reaches me.
I am left—a map of wounds no one can read.

forbidden conscious
who said that you were naked
we did

I hit my leg against the bed,
A sudden pain began to spread.
Perhaps it rose up from my soul,
A jolt, a snap, the greatest show—
My femur’s way to pull me back
And show me I’m not whole.

Then later on, you called my name,
And I agreed to play your game.
We talked, we laughed, we shared a kiss,
But I still felt no trace of bliss.

We made love, you held me tight,
Then fell asleep while I stayed wide.
I watched you breathe with quiet eyes,
While yours were closed to all the night.

There’s so much salt within my tide,
Yet I can’t sink, though I have tried.
Perhaps I think that love and pain
Must wear the same poetic chain,
Or beauty needs a tragedy
To make it feel complete to me.

It’s all I know, it’s all I’m worth,
You said I’m perfect, but since birth,
I’ve only ever been designed
To be a thing you leave behind.

Sincerely, I am just a verse,
A secret poem, soft, immersed,
Beneath your sheets so clean and white.
And though one line may break its rhyme,
It tells me joy is bound to find
Us both, in time, despite kismet signs.