The allusion we perform
So that people perceive us
The way they want

We always talk about
strength,
about pride,
about the hurt others caused;
we are the victims of our world
we look for pity.
for understanding,
we talk about the monsters
we didn’t unleash.

I want to talk about regret,
about the demons I’ve let out;
about the ache I burned in others hearts;
about the monster I’ve been in others
fairy tales.

I want to be raw
and true to myself.
I’ve never been good
or perfect,
or even alright.

My words have been like poison
and they have pounded in others’ hearts.
I have left people
to themselves
when they were at their worst.

I have used my power to hurt;
to insult.

There are people who carry pain
because of me.

And what is worse
is that I have denied forgiveness
to people
for things
I could have done.

I tweak stories
and tell lies
to make an angel
out of me.

I have excused
my actions
to myself,
to be able to close
both my eyes
when I sleep.

Sometimes I wonder
if I’d be
better off
dead.

In love we grow
In love we change
Do not turn away
Accept flaws and all
For together we heal
Together we grow
Together we change
To be loved we must know
We are imperfect beings
Yet while imperfect we stay
we love we grow we change

Thank YOU, that I am not perfect!

I take off this heavy yoke,
This burden that cripples my spirit and robs my joy.
What is it like to live a different life?
To believe something different from what I've spoke. 

To try new things and become more of YOUR joy.
Thank YOU that I'm not perfect!

Thank YOU that I can make mistakes,
And can try again.
There are many possibilities ahead!
I can zoom ahead and I can apply the breaks,
I can stumble and re-wire my brain.

Thank YOU that I'm not perfect! 
So here's to another attempt,
So here's to continuing on the journey...
No matter what…willingly and NOT circumspect!

I ought to know that,

We are one in the same.

We can't fix it,

And I don't feel any shame.


We don't talk much,

Nothing really will ever change.

But i don't think i like it,

And I feel so strange.


If you were to go blue,

My heart would crack in two.

I wouldn't confront you,

We’d end up like we always do


If you know me you need to show me,

Or I'll just crack in two.

And I'm not sure you’ll fix it,

Just because I'm so used to it.


If you know me then show me,

Say it right back to my face.

Cause i think we could fix it,

Become not used to it.


Cause you know that we’re the same,

I have worse things I can take.

But i can't have you flake,

Or else I won't have my escape.

Go forth and be who everyone wants you to be.
Speak in tongues that aren’t your own.
Involve into hobbies that will deteriorate living.
Analyze them like a book and answer with an A+
Forget yourself.
And praise the new you.

Our problems feel so personal,
Like a knife designed to cut
In all the weakest spots.
And we can look at lives apart from ours -
Shining, golden in their
Perfection.

And a yearning can rise up within, a hunger
That doesn’t abate -
I wish I had their life,
That hollow space whispers.

But pain overwhelms those lives,
A personal pain that we’ve already
Overcome.
Issues that we can’t even fathom,
Hid behind every picture-perfect
Smile.
Destruction that comes in forms
We’ve never even seen -
Insidious, hidden, all-consuming.

Or maybe, their life is perfect
(if there ever was such a thing).
Maybe it’s golden, and full of love
And light, and
Promise.
And I’m happy for them, truly
And yet, I would never trade my problems
For theirs.