My world has turned grey,
My soul is crying,
My heart is irreparably broken,
I thought you could be my cure,
A ray of sunshine
To light up my days.
I am sorry.
I know I need to let go,
And someday I will be able to.
You were something
You are not anymore,
While I’m the same as always
Pretending the past is still present.
My words are flat,
A decomposed body,
I lost the right way,
If I ever found it in the first place.
How to recognize
When you go from a prodigy
To a wilted flower?
I had always been invisible,
But banal?
A curse, sent by my
Worst enemy,
This is the only solution.
I lost my flame,
My lighthouse,
I feel like I lost you,
But you didn’t lose me.
Please, come back.

My mind is a reflecting pool
Shattered memories floating through
I reach out to grasp them
But they lunge away
I chase after
They disappear
They disappeared
I’m sorry to my past self
I’ve wronged you
I’m sorry to my past friends
I’ll never be the same man you know
But you weren’t returning anyways
I’m sorry to myself
I’ll never be the same man you know
I write
I write more
I write more again
I wrote
I’ve written
Stop this noise
Leave me in silence
I was never scared of silence
I was scared of losing sound

i see you
crying in silence,
trying not to be heard,
trying not to be seen.

i see you
wiping away your tears,
trying not to be sensitive,
trying not to be a burden.

all you wanted
was someone to hold your heart
with the same softness
you held theirs.

i’m sorry no one saw you.
but—
i see you.
i hear you.

and i love you.

How could you ever understand
The pain that you inflicted upon me
The dreams you left me with
The rerunning of shared moments

You walked away with a smile
While I stayed in the same place, empty
Stayed in the same feelings, hopes
Stuck in place, wondering why

You laughed, you soared, you ran
While I am paralyzed, trapped, clipped
Weighed down by the memories and emotions
You gave it back to me when you were done

You made new friends, new memories
I withdrew from mine, from myself
I hit replay every hour, every day
Holding what was left in vain

You looked forward, head held high
Mine dropped low, looking back
I called you my everything
You called me a steppingstone

How could you ever understand
When you can't even empathize
How could I ever understand
When I can't even let go

Don't search for me for where I am,
I'm not searching for where you are.

To that which you "belong."

Don't look for me to the future,
For I learned your histories & they are repulsive.

The records are detailed & long.

Don't give no magnification on my past,
For I have the details of your future.

Wrong is just wrong!

My most dangerous trauma
Has the most gorgeous smile
How you haunt my dreams
That I never want to end
Your ghost lingers in my heart
And how it beats with joy and sorrow
My most beautiful trigger
Pull it, and let it go through me
You left a hole, a wound
Unforgettable in my waking moments
The scars that spelled love
Carved by mine's truly
I wish to heal one day
But I hold on to all of it 
I am not ready, I refuse to move
Erasing all the sadness and misery 
Would also mean erasing you

I hear her new hit and my past hits me like a mack truck.
I'm always falling into these ruts,
looking, searching, almost begging for reasons
Universe? Soul? God? Trauma?
Who made me like this?
I'm sick of this problem
Remembrance, rain dance, tears, karma
You're so embarrassing
"Go cry where no one's watching"
He said that to me and I stayed around him-
*****.
I isolated so hard, I tried to be forgotten
but deep down I just want to feel understood
like any other person
I want love and care,
Hurt me, choke me, leave marks where no one sees but me.
Just say you love me after;
I won't care if it aches.
I've already been in pain, irritated or feeling worthless
I haven't cared while caring so much
I'm sick of this problem
I want to blossom but it seems I'm a bud

The number grows but
I still can't tell if I am whole.
Every day is nearly the same
until it's simply not.

Even family changes or moves on.
No one is safe in the long run,
Not the encountered stranger,
the acquaintance or friends...

Nobody knows when they'll meet their end,
and it scares me.
I don't like the YOLO philosophy,
but here I am again, pondering.

I'm trying to make sense of everything
I'm wondering what exactly I need...
What can help me be happy?
I wouldn't say I'm ashamed but my past is embarrassing?

I guess I'll continue and just keep going
I'll keep trying my best,
For as long as I can,
I'll try to get through this