I have a convenient little helmet
When the world becomes overwhelming
It offers protection, an atmosphere that takes me to the stratosphere where I can be myself
In my helmet, my bubble I am me, in my bubble I don't need to see the horrors of others
In my bubble, I can be free, see the world in my own colours
When I exit my bubble I put on knee-high boots, a protective safety suit and a good pair of really thick gloves. At my waist, I carry a big revolver that will act as a solver. Because with humans you cannot argue and be nice, cannot talk and make peace.

You don't even ask questions, you stuff answers into my mouth.
You don't give evidence and I believe in your lies.
You pull me down into a slur of words, drowning me into a conversation that never seem to end but starts worlds.
You Pierce me with a knife.
You cut me up into stitched pieces.
help me, and you say "no one cares."
You threw me out.
You kick me out of my own mind.
You close the door.
You keep me out.
You stone me with fire and ice.
You let me keep the burden all to my own.
i can't keep up.
i am broken apart.
just please, give me a moment, and then we talk?

sometimes
i feel like everything
i’m struggling with
is spiraling around me in circles

and the chaos of it all
overwhelmes me to the point
where it hurts to get out of bed
and my mom continues to ask what’s wrong
and my only response is that
i’m tired

i’m tired of not being in control
and i am tired of the solutions
being so incredibly close
yet when i reach out to grab one
it is just out of reach

i am tired of constantly being a mess
and i just want

r e s t .

I am a compilation
Of complications
A station on the radio
My radar too tuned in
Hearing too acutely
My feelings too wild
Chaotic
It's not your fault
But is it mine?

You stand there
Letting me taste you
And
Leaving me
Here
Wanting more
Feverish in my attempts
Stumbling over my
Braindead heart
It's not my fault
But is it yours?

Sweet, yet bitter
So well seasoned
I have to dull
Myself
Too much too soon
Wanting
Impatient in anticipation
Of another coming and
Picking
You
Up
It's not your fault
But is it theirs?

"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone"
But don't fly to frequent
Don't fly to near
Burns will appear
The wanting is toxic
The passion
Too fervent
Fearful
But still there
A constant
Itching
It's not my fault
But it's all I am

Overflowing or bone dry
No in-betweens
Hot or cold
In a lukewarm
Scene
Consisting of consistent
Changes
But unfaltering
In my wanting
To never
Lose

It's not your fault
But I'll blame us both one way
Or another

An overwhelming feeling
under-
whelming
Seeping into my veins
slowly
bleeding
Corrupting my brain
ringing
whispers
Muddling my sight
dim
lights
Corroding my soul
draining
time
Until I am overtaken
Glazed
eyes
By my loss of will
Where
Loss of might
Am I?
Sans all

My birth control is making
Me crazy again.
Breakdown, rage, comfort,
Repeat. Repeat.

Like clockwork,
I have to remind myself that
"I'm no monster", "it's the hormone",
"I swear I still crave you".

My love for you is
A radiant bloom, being
Suppressed and bullied by the
Bushes bearing thorns.

My hatred for you is
The shell of the bird that
Traps the life inside, leading
It to claw it's way out to breathe.

Wait for me to emerge,
My shell is holding me back
As a safety protocol.
I have not been born yet.