I don't want your annoying apologies or to hear your fake excuses anymore. I don't want your sorry eyes and charming devilish smile near me.

I don't want to fall in love with you again and again to be let down again and again. I don't want this chaotic, messy relationship anymore.

I always have believed that love should be messy. That it should be so overwhelming with passion and desire it drives you mad. That you should cry and smile and laugh with someone in the worst and best situations.

But I've now experienced the chaos.
I've had the pleasure of crying when you wouldn't talk to me for months for no reason.
I've had the pleasure of smiling when you decided that it was time to apologize again and draw me back in.
I've had the pleasure in laughing at myself for being an idiot and laughing at you for allowing yourself to say what you said.

And in all of this... I've decided...

***** the chaos.
I still want the passion and the romance but whoever said it should be messy to be real was an idiot.

Losing people,
for me,
is a constant cycle.
No one ever sticks
I never knew it'd
end like this.

Not in some tower, somewhere
locked tight is she, but here
under blood and bone.

She rages like ocean tides
on the chiseled edges of me
that poorly attempt to contain her.

Be still, I plead
I’m trying to be logical,
yet still she storms.

It’s candid to say that
even I am afraid
her force will conquer me.

I know they don't believe in "forever" but I do.
I haven't proven it yet but I'd like to prove to you
under the gray clouds or the summer sky blue.
This has to be true cause never have I been so sad
to be far from you.
There's this something that grips my heart
whenever we are apart.
My heart floats when I'm with you.

I'm not talking about a guy I like nor a guy I love,
a friendship to infinity is what I've been seeking for
and it's what I'm fighting and saving for.
You may haven't known the me from the past but I guess
you'll be the audience of my present and future.
This kind of feeling will never stop overwhelming me.

I refuse to make any eye contact with strangers
Because for that split second,
We are connected.
I penetrate into their soul
And sense everything that has ever,
And will ever,
happen to them;
I feel far too much
And it is beyond overwhelming.

all I see are dead leaves
falling to the floor
piled in the corners
their sticking to my rake
it’s kind of overwhelming
I can’t really focus
when all these leaves are here
I wish I could switch gears
to get rid of all this fear

When the rain falls
and worries slide
like drops down a windshield
sprinkled in drops
And the fears don't
feel so
overwhelming,
anymore
Falling clouds
help the fears
fall away
And maybe by tomorrow
even though the mud
hasn't dried
and sometimes my
hands still feel tied
I'll start to feel,
like clouds fading into day,
a little more
okay

They say love is blindness
No, I don't want to see
I'll dive head first into the unbeknownst depths
The cataracts impairing me

They say love is patient
I've never been good at biding time
I am ever restless
I'd wait eons for a love of this kind

They say love last forever
It's hard to think of anything
That can somehow compare
To that treasure.

White, silver, platinum, gold
These all fade away
They get chipped, lost,
They become worn and old

I fall in love with you differently
Everyday, for the same old things
It's so much more to me you see
Than any mortal, metal ring

Still, it's nice to think...

That miracales can happen

So I can hear my angel sing