you will never respect me
you do not know how to
i threw respect out the window
along with my dignity
along with my decency
the night that i left my prince charming
to spend a night
being the ***** in the wolf's den
you will never respect me
so i cannot respect you
you were never more than a monumental mistake
you were never my friend

I have scribbled across thousands of drafts
I couldn't write a sentence of absolute truth.

I compare everything to you
It really isn't fair
From the way they roll their eyes
To the shade of their hair

I fear that no one could ever come close
To being as great as you
With your wicked sense of humor
And glacier eyes so blue

How could I ever settle
After experiencing the best?
It almost burns my cheek
Laying on a stranger's chest

Although I have been single for months
It doesn't feel that way in my heart
I suppose I will always be emotionally unavailable
No matter how long we are apart

I hate the constant loneliness
So I seek comfort in foreign places
But never find the warmth I am searching for
Just different detached faces

You left a hole inside of me
So large it can never be filled
No matter how many times I wring out
I can't mop up all the blood that's spilled

And anyone who dares come near
Only ends up hurt and broken
Because each word directed delicately
Doesn't surpass the ones past spoken

I guess I need to accept the truth
Happiness is permanently out of range
I am aware it's long after the time to let go
Why am I clutching onto what I cant change?

I have tried to find another fish
But I'm drowning in the ocean
Those who say I could do so much better
Have obviously never handled such emotion

They don't understand the magnetism
The irresistible pull I can't shake
You haunt every nightmare that wracks my mind
Each daydream when I'm awake

I try to look at other men
With the same adoring stare
But I don't have eyes for anyone else
No passion or patience to spare

I know there was a time in my life
Before you lit it up with your glow
But I don't remember how it felt
It was so many years ago

I've grown dependent on your touch
Was in shock when you ripped it away
There are other arms to help carry me
I just wish that yours was here to stay

No other skin is as soft and sweet
Nobody else has a hug as tight
No sweat besides yours smells exactly like home
No kiss except yours could ever feel right

There are other guys as tall as you
They may even have freckles just the same
But even an exact replica
Wouldn't sound like you when saying my name

Once you find 'the one' you know
Pursuit of other endeavors you stop
You can't climb any higher than the peak
And baby you were my mountaintop

You gave me everything I needed and more
It seemed like you barely had to try
We were almost always on the same page
Until out of nowhere you said goodbye

But I still picture your mischievous smile
Every night as I lie in bed
I've attempted to replace your photos
But they linger in my heavy head

And the sparkle ignited in your eyes
When you map my curves with your gaze
Is impossible to duplicate or outdo
Like the goosebumps you effortlessly raise

I wish and wish with all my might
For the strength to be alright all alone
But all I get are leaden feet
And memories that cut to the bone

Everyone says my wounds will heal
It just takes time and I will mend
But it's been 20 weeks of consistent hell
I haven't yet begun to see the end

I wish I could enjoy one moment
Without wistful nostalgia clouding my brain
These hopeless comparisons cause damage
Longing driving me insane

I know I cannot have you
You are no longer mine to hold
Silent treatment has never said so much
Your shoulder never felt so cold

It's hard to imagine you at peace
With someone new by your side
After all that we've been through together
Now you're drifting out with the tide

I am glad you discovered what you were missing
I hope she is everything I'm not and more
But would you answer honestly if I asked
Was it better the way it was before?

You see Babe
My love is too valuable to keep at the bottom of your drawer
Too immense to keep in store.
You cannot throw it on the highest of shelves
And decide to keep it for yourself.
It is not yours to take.
You think you can come back for it when you’re bored
And keep it along with all the other loves that you hoard.
This one isn’t like your rest,
This one will not be another forgotten conquest.

Then what would you call it
I am here,
and sometimes I stumble,
I am adfrift here;
those parts of me that dread the evening,
when the warm dawn fades along
the crest of hours,
I am waiting on Jehovah,
I am making changes in my minds sky
but I ask Jehovah for his breath of wind,
I need him to rearrange the world behind my eyes.
There are all of these days, these shelves
of moments, I will gratefully wait
through the taunting minutes that spit seconds
in my face, I will make the change
I will pray with all of my rivers,
with the branches of every tree, with the heart
that holds a secret from the darkest of dark,
with the world that God is rebuilding, which was given
out of his love, I will pray through that head
where everlasting light resides atop..
That Jehovah God, keep me there waiting in the reflection
of his loving heart. Please keep loving me, Jehovah.