There was an agony in my voice
Unheard rant and tirade against
The world that couldn't appreciate your sole identity.
Life as we know it!
Trembling in fear, braving the storm not to break down in tears.
When billows of sadness roll
Embracing the state of solitude, no one to call.
Behind the dark circle, hidden with a concealer
Bottled up paranoia and scars
Drowning in a sea of misery.
What could've been done to alleviate this malady
I wish I could crumble into pieces
As ashes of smoke, disappearing into a thin air.
Did I chose this melancholic trail
Unable to succumb myself to death.
I,
A living dead
Leave me alone
I can't handle anymore pain.

May the night grant us
a second chance at those dreams
that by day we lack.

Lugosi Béla is dead.
Ligeti György is dead.
The bat flies past the closet door.
The closet is filled with corpses, screaming to let them out.
The grey house cries out in a voice of silence.
The wood cracks under my feet as I break through the door.
Relative ease getting in, but I fear getting out might take all my power.
I look towards the door, but it is so far.
I decide to go in, towards a familiar stench.
I hear screams from the attic and moans from the basement.
Ligeti's breath. That was the stench.
Wonderful. I take a huge whiff and feel high.
I meet him. He is dead, yet he's smiling at me.
I kiss him on the lips, for he is deserving of love, like the others.
I leave the room and let him sleep in silence.
I hope my love got to him.
As soon as I get through the door, a set of red eyes.
Wings, chapping my shoulders. I am pinned against a wall.
Teeth sink into my neck.
It is Lugosi. I kiss him on the lips, as he demands, and begin to leave.
He disappears, for he's dead. Undead.
But that seems like years ago and I'm still not at the door.
In fact, it's been a decade.
It's the morning now, and I cannot leave.
I feel like... I'm dying? But I feel more alive, as well.
As I reach the door, I fall.

I wake up in an unfamiliar room.
They are both there. They don't present me with a choice.
They are leaving all of their belongings to me.
White on white translucent black capes.
Black on black glasses of *****.
The bats have left the bell tower.
The victims have been bled.
Red velvet lines the black box.
Virginal brides file past their tombs.
Strewn with time's dead flowers,
Bereft in deathly bloom,
I'm alone in a darkened room.

I am Ligeti.
I am Lugosi.
I am neither and I am both.
I am dead and I am not.
As I live and breathe.
I am...
The count.

I left the sun for the moon
And found warmth in the darkness
A laptop screen became the light
From which I use to write
About how I became nocturnal

Slowly the lights go down
the skies take the bluish hue,
the day is beautiful
but the night is true,
the ones who love its calm
nocturnals are at peace.
Once again.

The clock reads 4:30.
My friend is using the bathroom.
That must've been what woke me up.

Although I wish,
I know that is not true.

That frozen feeling in my chest
Resounds with my heartbeat,
Thumping faster and faster as I close my eyes.

My fitbit reads 75 bpm,
I know that can't be true,
It's going faster,
So much faster.

I try to sleep,
But images fill my head.
Dreams, or my own thoughts,
I can no longer tell.

I can't discern them,
All I know is that I am scared,
And right as I touch sleep,
I am jolted awake,
By an erratic heart,
And threatening images.

There is no screaming,
                     thrashing,
I am not awake enough to escape,
But not asleep enough to give in.

It is an all night war with my terror,
I'm not paralyzed,
I can move around,
But it follows.
It always follows.

O,
my mind,
won't you meet me alone?
When the Earth's eyes close
And the valley winds blow.
To ensure,
Being clear,
That none could see nor hear
None of the throes nor fears
Reflected through shattered mirrors.
As ashamed as I am, cautious as I am aware
That,
as I am,
in this state of disrepair,
I’ve walked upon an anxious, lengthening pier,
That leads to the middle of the ocean, only to stare,
At the waves of defeat that, underneath do quake.
For still beating is my heart, so even though it aches
As the disappearance of you leaves unconsciousness in its wake,
Seeing how perilous the seas may be, to only drown in a lake,
To perhaps resurface once more in the following morn,
Is a promised hope wherein dreams dissipate forsworn