my heart still skips a beat
when you send a message,
my phone goes beep beep.

          we're just friends now,
          why does my heart miss beats
          when i hear your beeps?

                  why am i not over you?
                  why can't i stop,
                  stop feeling...

                           feelings so strong, like a thumb
                           hovering over
                                    your name.

i didn’t know it would change.
not like this.
not slowly.
not without a moment to hold onto.

you laughed.
it made me feel safe.
alive, even.
that kind of light doesn’t happen often.
and I chased it.
all I wanted to do was make you laugh.

now it’s quieter.
your name shows up less.
you don’t ask to see me.
you wait for me to reach out.
and even then, it’s different.
you say “maybe” to us hanging out.
like i’m the last person you want to be with.

i used to be in your bed.
i used to feel okay there.
like nothing could break me as long as you were near.

now i’m a little lost.
a little cold.
a little too aware of the space beside me.
between us.

maybe i used you.
not on purpose.
but to feel whole.
to feel wanted.
to feel like i could breathe.

that wasn’t fair to you.
i know that now.

but i still miss you.
i still check my phone.
still wonder what you’re doing.
still remember how your presence softened everything.

i’m adjusting.
some days are easier.
some days are still heavy.
but i’m learning to sit with it.

i want more.
not as much as you’d think.
just a little more.
even now.
even if i shouldn’t.
even if you don’t.

and maybe just missing you has to be enough.
I don’t see another way out.
you totally caught my attention.
and now, i fear how hard it will be to get it back.

It was the year with double twenty
The year of uncertainty
The year of unknown
The year of mourning
Where everyone stop
Where everything was cough
Who knows, it will be like that
Who knows, it was just a start
to realize the realness
to realize the quietness
to realize the loneliness
It shows how life can turn
It shows we can be in control
despite everything
We saw the light and hope
There are beginnings
filled with love
filled with relationships


xoxo

You are bones of my bones,
Not in ownership,
In recognition.
What was a missing rib had come back whole.
Not taken to complete you,
But returned to walk beside you.

Your kindness is
Patient,
Long-suffering,
Unenvied—
It moves like light through stained glass.

You are my promised land,
Not perfect,
But flowing—
With milk and honey,
With the quiet richness of sweet moments,
Where peace is enough to make everything feel divine.

I’ve known the flood,
The wilderness,
The wandering—
But now I know the garden again.
In the way you say my name,
Standing beside you,
The missing rib finally returned.
And whole.

And if God is love,
Then loving you
Is worship,
And every moment with you
A kind of prayer
I never want to say “amen” to.

Those soft, delicate hands of yours

That once held me with such love and care

Wrapped me with such warmth and safety

That felt small and fragile when held by me

Those slender fingers fitting perfectly in mine

Tracing my face and lips with eagerness

Tapping me to wake up for a morning kiss

Caressing me for our nightly love

Those soft, delicate hands of yours

I can still feel them after all this time

Wishing that I held them a bit longer

loving you
turned me into a poet
both the artist and the muse
all at once
knowing i'd sing for you
just as quickly as i'd bleed
to make your world
more beautiful

even now
i'd describe the sea
a thousand ways
just to capture
your shade of blue.