On the beach I think

about our days here, and you --


blow away again.

the first time we met
a chance encounter
on my way out the door
yet something
held me in place
your eyes keeping me
in your rose kissed grasp

we met
and i wondered
how i could already
have so much love
for one person
it was as if we'd fought together
on the same battlefield
swords clashing
shields in place
fighting for each other
again and again

maybe then
it's not too much to hope
that there is another world
in which we made it
choosing each other
above all else
a place
where roses bloom
on the bloodiest battlefields

we met
and i knew that i had loved you
in every lifetime.

The message is clear
I do not understand
unable to see through it
it's not as I planned

The meaning is lost
a memory, a dream
It was here, I felt it
it's not what it seemed

The fight to be loved
was it all in my head
it felt so real
now it's gone, she is dead

Pulling away, leaving behind
the memories, the love, the warmth, my mind

Picking up speed, escaping the past
the worries, the pain, the anguish, outcast

Accelerating, visions are beginning to blur
inside, screaming, twisting, longing for her

Speeding, the machine, vibrating it shakes
it might just be me, do I have what it takes

Fighting to hold on, I am hitting the bend
excitement, release, approaching the end

Sliding, screaching, tyres trying to hold
an instant of noise, pain, it's getting so cold

No longer the senses, no sight, smell or touch
although floating away, I remember so much

will I find her again, will she recognise me
did I do the right thing, will I finally be free

funny,
how a person can turn into
a kind of silence --
like a voice
that never even left,
but stopped answering
all the calls
you swore
were mutal. 

you had called it
fading.
i called it
staying
in the smaller ways --
as in
the way i check
my phone
at dusk
like a ritual,
as if you'd just
appear.
because the sky
turns soft enough
for second
chances.

if missing someone
counts as calling --
i never really stopped
calling
for you.

I search for you
in the stars,
in the shimmer between planets,
in the way moonlight
folds itself across empty sheets
like a question that never needed an answer.

I lie awake at night,
staring at the sky,
as if the constellations
might shape the contours
of a presence I once knew,
as if the hush between stars
could hold a trace of your breath.

I search in the shadows
With reverence
behind each heartbeat,
each flicker of thought,
that still hums through the bones.

You're in the pulse
of every breath,
the sacred stillness
between inhale and exhale,
a quiet echo
threading itself
through the silence.

But the absence
is its own kind of presence
a hollow that holds,
a sky that listens,
and still,
I search,
as if finding you
would not complete me,
but remind me
of who I’ve always been.

And I keep searching,
in the soft spaces
of breath and shadow,
not out of need,
but because something in the stars
still speaks in your language.