I love to write poetry
But I’m afraid
I’m afraid of what they’ll think
I’m afraid they’ll think my poetry will **** because of my age
But I’m most afraid of people I know reading my poems
Because then they might see through my walls
Into my broken
Shattered
Messed-up
Crazy life
I don’t want anyone to worry about me
Or to try and protect me
Or fight my battles
Because that’s what I’m supposed to do for them
I’m suppose to worry about others
And shove my problems away
I’m supposed to protect others
And never worry about my pain
I’m supposed to help win their wars
Because I’m already losing my own

This is when i write my best poems

When there is
So much
Inside
Messed
Tangled
Intertwined
Unraveled
Kept aside
Forgotten
Brought back
Rememberd
Ignored
You Decide
Undecide
And then one hundred words fall into a piece of paper like drops of rain hurling from the sky.

You can not expect it
You may not understand it
But you
Feel

Feel the moment
It collides
With your soul
Finds a home
In your ribs
It's a trauma
In disguise.

Parents teach their children to believe in God,
but not to believe in themselves,
They give their children phones,
but they don't teach them how to communicate,
They tell them to clean their room,
but not to clear their mind,
They teach them how to ride a bike,
but not how to meditate,
They get their children new videogames,
but don't teach them playing with people's feelings is not okay,
They teach them not to talk to strangers,
but not how to speak up for themselves,
They pay a tutor for their children so they can get good grades,
but when they show signs of depression they don't get them a therapist, because "you're still a kid, you don't need it, it's all in your head anyway".

And then, we wonder, why kids nowdays are so messed up.

I'm messed up
and you ain't here
to pick me up when i fall
i'm *******
cuz i don't know
what feelings i have anymore
You don't listen
so now you can't even see
i won't let you see
when i cry
when i pray
or when i write
You don't understand
what i've been through
You don't understand my thoughts
and the only one who did
is now a drunk
You can lie
to anyone besides me
cuz i know the truth
no matter what you believe
But this ain't on me
I'm messed up
and the mess is all you see

I am such an open book
I am the same around humans
in church, in school, even in the hospital
I never change how I express myself
Because I am an open book, people take this an opportunity to ignore and obstruct themselves from the the deep and mysterious me.
They never want to go near the boundaries that separates and defines the real me.
Immediately they see the open book, they are satisfied
And then they mistake me as someone with a good life
little do you know about what I face in the dark
The place where trouble of peace lies.
It is so peaceful that I am so troubled
I break into tears because I know something is wrong
Is this a dream or something worse
I know something worse than a dream.....
                       Reality
I have to go back there and be the open book that is easy to read
The smart girl who always whines and argue
I don't want to go back to that
I just want to stay like this,
as that girl who always think and meditates about deep things.
But I have to return to my daily duty
the role I am good at being a rook.
being an open book.

in this toxic love
i held so close
i gave you the power
to destroy me
to change everything i am
your anger, a beast wielding in your fists
would come out to play
your words lash at my heart
your fists swing and strike
precisely pounding again and again  
leaving me bruised and branded
leaving you crying and in pieces
blinded by love
comforting the man who had just finished beating me

time have already passed
new friends came and went
flowers bloomed and died
sun and rain danced

but my mind have
its own rules
it plays memories
about you repeatedly

my mind doesn't care
that i don't like this game
it's like hide and seek
where it seem that i can't win
...
/M.A./