I WANT TO LIVE!
I want to die

I WANT TO DIE
I WANT TO LIVE

honestly though; I just want to be okay

With wearied ways the air looks grey
It's colour stains surrounding planes
Heavy clouds weigh eyelids down
Condensed to rest as momentum slows
Mellow tones and energy spent
Low on conversation goals
All but empty sentiments
No plans today, worn out to play
Sleep instead behinds your gaze
Dreaming to regenerate

Aghast was the feeling within,
the moment I heard saying,
"The grudge in me never ceases,
If I look at you, it upsurges."
What was that? Hatred or Jealousy?

Together we grew,
Together we played,
Together we enjoyed,
But she was loved more.
What was that? The age or Comparison?

Appreciated for her appearance,
Admired for the best smile,
Pampered for the sweet talks,
Gradually grew the inner bitterness unaware,
Igniting in her, the spark of arrogance uncompared.
As I was placed ever in contradiction.
What was that? Seed of praise or despise?

The child in us possessed the love,
while in the name of maturity the gap stretched,
The silence took deep breaths
Between each conversation
We, the alike thinkers
Now parted with difference.
The daughters of two sisters,
Misunderstanding cultivated the distress.
What was that? Distance or Belief?

The question still perplexed
Whose fault was that?
The childhood innocence ripped with arrogance?
Or
The comparison that planted the vengeance?
But ultimately, it is the misconception established with pride.

Now after these many years,
the love in me for her never faded
but grew more when we by chance interacted.
What was that? The pure love or move on?

Having the belief that our thoughts were alike,
My heart ceased not to pour my inner feelings,
As my childhood pal, my sister, my twin.
But still the ignorance in me continued to control,
My maturity to understand the completely changed person.
It took sometime to get in my senses
that her eyes looked hither and thither
with lies unrelated,
and conversations proposed,
not to share but to grasp
whenever connected virtually.
What was that? A changed self or Gossip Monger?

The vengeance inside gradually
turned to revengeful remorse.
And the love had turned to blame,
With pierce striken words she poked
Of accusations and falsehoods,
But none seemed to disturb me.
What was that? Mellow in me or Her immaturity?

With composed tone, I did stand for me,
confidently, a new me,
neither raised my voice,
nor reacted losing my poise,
but assured that in her life,
"Never could you forget to remember me and never, remember to forget me."
What was that?
A blessing from a mellowed soul.

————————————————

A mellow flower
Waving in the wind
Dried yellow
A long while ago
Yet holding on
To the plant stem
Unwilling to let go
Of its past.

Aphrodite, oh sweet Aphrodite.
Cast your gaze on me, cast a spell on me.
Give your warm embrace, kiss me under the soft moonlight.
Oh sweet Aphrodite, Oh sweet Aphrodite.

Oh, I wish I could see you everyday.
Even if the clouds choke out the sunlight.
Even when the rain anchors me to the earth.
Just stay with me, even just only for tonight.

I'm so infatuated, I would do anything for you.
Just to see if you're okay.
Even for a second, for a glimpse of your face.
I just wish I could see you everyday.

Things are stressful, sometimes I feel like I could drown.
And sink into the sand, to disappear.
But when I gaze into your teals, the strain collapses.
Sinks away like the ground beneath my feet.
Sweet Aphrodite, I just wish you were here.
Forever more, just to love you my dear.

It doesn't matter that I wake after sunrise,
Because knowing that you're nearby when I open my eyes;

You, with your sun-kissed skin,
with warmth radiating from the top of your head to your chin;

You, who greets me "good morning" without fail,
while looking at me like we're in a fairy tale;

You, who wakes me with a gentle peck,
as gentle as the sun on my skin, filtered through blinds, a fleck;

It doesn't matter that I wake after sunrise,
Because you remind me of it and of pink skies.