Confusion clouds my mind
You're perfect and you love me
Why can't I love you?
I don't know who else to be
My heart yearns for the one
That knows without knowing
This boy that was a man even in youth
The ache in my heart still growing
I miss him, and I've tried to fill the hole
That was left when I pushed him away
But you aren't him, I can't love you the same
So I hold back everything I feel everyday
He said what I needed to hear
In his faults I find perfection
And I just can't let him go
But these lies are becoming an infection
I love him, the way I can't love you
I lie in hopes my heart will change
But I know I don't really want to change
Everything in my life I must rearrange
I wait and ponder why my heart is gone
My heart has not been mine for years now
But I finally feel the empty place there
When he's not in my life somehow
I made a promise to you
I shan't break it, but in the end
When my vow has been fulfilled
I am going to have to make a mend
Because that will be the end
Of the us of you and I
I will hold out for the one I love
And I'll never again say good-bye
I wrote this a long time ago, and for heavens sake the boy I loved back then was mentally abusive. I'm sorry to the recipient of this poem that I was too far manipulated to give you a fighting chance at my love.
