I seem to be at home on the margins
where I can be alone
with my folly
sweltering in my private bowl of stew
simmering in the sins
surrounding and piercing me
but you found me there
invited me into your heart
where you loved me
redeemed me
sewed my seams
pulled together my crazy quilt
made separate parts into a whole.

Walking i am  
the path of crazy times,
Strolling under
fullmoon's brightness,
To escape this
shade of darkness,
All the wrong places
looking for Happiness.

Being alone
always I liked,
These are the times
of a monster COVID,
It is not the Corona
I am so scared,
Getting hurt again
that of I am afraid .

Forgotton I have the
touch of tenderness .
Stomach I search for
feel of butterflies.
Here I go again
looking for warmness.
Only to find
all the broken hearts.

Don't offer the fuel it needs
to set you on fire

I know death.
Incensed with all of it.
The weighty strain of darkness,
Eyes closed, stopped ears, stuffed nose.
I was petrified while the world stumbled,
My wordless mouth gapes like a maw
Needing stitches.
I lounge in a toga,
Motionless as alabaster.
I was born to die,
But not like this.

its Friday night, and I are happily at home!
Being suffocated by my blanket.
It's as if the world is pushing down on me because it knows I have no one around me.
I close my eyes and I feel my oxygen depleting.
I am trapped in darkness, with no one around to help guide me to the light.
Fighting my way against the world with no one to reach out for.
Feeling lost and forgotten.
I wander through a dark forest of depression, while only the monsters in my head reach out for me.
I try to beg for help and can't make a sound, but eyes scream out.
So I sit to face my inner demons and overcome my greatest fear.
The loneliness tries to take me over. Rejected and unwanted, just like a broken toy nobody wants to play with. I was left in a dark room, with no one to come back to me.

I am hurt
But not in the way when you scrape your knee
And not in the way when someone irrevocably betrays your trust
I am hurt in a way that cannot be explained

I am hurt
But not in the way when you break a bone
And not in the way someone spits out stinging words
I am hurt in a way that makes your heart beat just a little bit faster

I am hurt
But not in the way when your muscles ache with soreness
And not in the way when someone tells you they don’t love you anymore
I am hurt in a way that makes my stomach twist and churn

I am hurt
But not in the way that makes you grit your teeth in pain
And not in the way that makes one shut themselves out from the world
I am hurt in a way that makes my chest tighten and constrict until I can’t breath

I am hurt
But not in the way that can be solved with the pop of a pill
And not in the way that a teenage girl who is new to love does
I am hurt in a way that makes me dig my fingernails into my palms so as to quell the bristling tears threatning to spill.

I am hurt in a way that can’t so easily be explained away  as a papercut or with a smile
I am hurt in a way that comes with the lying words “I’m Fine.”
I am not fine.

Today I hurt.
Today I want to cry.
Today I feel alone. Left Out.

There is no rhyme or reason.
There is no starting point.
There is nothing I can say to explain away the pain except that it’s there.

I am hurt.

As I watch the kids, being fetched by their parents
I frown and looked away, as I got fetched by my driver
I quietly sat down and had to endure the silence
my misery worsens as i hear kids laughter

I was trained to be an heir
with everything on my plate
I'm grateful and happy for it
but I jus't didn't want this fate

As i ate on the kitchen table..
i only saw a note from my dad
"I'm going out for awhile, tell your mom"
Do i have the right to be mad?

"MOM I HAD ENOUGH!"
tears beginning to escape my eyes
my mom looked at me confused
as to why i started to cry

mom, dad, I don't need fame
mom, dad, I don't want your money
What i want, is something you can't buy...
"I just want you... to love me"

and thats what they have to realize...
that something..money can't buy

Everywhere I go
I am being followed
By your thoughts,
By my fears,
By my lonliness
That I try to get rid of.
I go to places to clear up my head
But every place have some memory related to you
That breaks me again.
It's not a demon that I am afraid of
Getting followed by
But it's the memories related to places I go.
Memories related to you
Memories of us
Memories of time when I was happy from inside
But those memories clash now with the reality
And haunt me like I'm it's prey.