Someone asked
for a poem
about flowers
in your hair

Two weeks ago I would write it about daisies
peonies
and sunflowers that seem to match your style

A week ago I would write about the thorns from roses
the way it decomposes
when you leave them sit for a long while

Today I stare at the dried flowers on my wall
wishing you'd call
making a flower crown from dried flowers that made me smile

I have a rather large distaste
of those who come with haste

They are sympathetic to your blight
they wish you well and a goodnight

But

Only over the telephone screen
what a way to feel seen

I'm here for you, whatever I can do
still they never come to see you

And

In the case you don't respond
they figure there is no reason to correspond

Even when you sit up to your knees in tears
as you watch your world crumble to your darkest fears

Though

This perhaps is a simple overreaction
and a fail on my part to take action

In which case I do sincerely apologizes
for my lies, unworthy cries, that begged you to sympathize

late at night
i lie awake
resting in your tender embrace.

you hold me tight,
your warmth
providing silent consolation.

you're a great guy,
a little broken,
but that doesn't make me care
for you any less.

i'm fixated on you,
bringing you
into every possible aspect
of my life.

you distract me,
fill my thoughts,
hold my mind in your hands.

i would be your boy,
give you all my heart has to give,
and be there for you,
like you're there for me.

if only you were real.

Loneliness smells like plums
From grandmother's garden

This is the time in life,
Where life is not worth living,
Each day gets harder to survive.
‘Life’ drags on day by day,
While you hope,
For something to go right,
But it never does.

All the world and its beauty.,
I made you my world with all might..!!
All the darkness and the night.,
I took you all in my sight..!!
All the promises and its hopes,
I vowed it all tied tight to ropes..!!
All the mountains and the majesticity,
I stood all tall at your call.!!
All the rivers and the greenery,
I flowed for you painting your life a scenery.!!
All the waves and the kisses to the shore,
I embraced and gave all more.!!
All the flowers and the fragrances,
I bore the thorns holding my patience.!!
All the streams and the melodies,
I sang for you making my life a parody.!!
All the music and the tunes,
I danced leaving myself in fumes.!!

I tried to rise and shine,
Realized its all for vain..!!

And for the person now I am,
I can't quit for I lost my wit.!!

Hence
I wanna disappear
I wanna be unseen
I wanna be unheard

Disappearing like a bubble on that wave,
Like a Dew on that leaf.

I wanna disappear..

All the world and its beauty.,
I made you my world with all might..!!
All the darkness and the night.,
I took you all in my sight..!!
All the promises and its hopes,
I vowed it all tied tight to ropes..!!
All the mountains and the majesticity,
I stood all tall at your call.!!
All the rivers and the greenery,
I flowed for you painting your life a scenery.!!
All the waves and the kisses to the shore,
I embraced and gave all more.!!
All the flowers and the fragrances,
I bore the thorns holding my patience.!!
All the streams and the melodies,
I sang for you making my life a parody.!!
All the music and the tunes,
I danced leaving myself in fumes.!!

I tried to rise and shine,
Realized its all for vain..!!

And for the person now I am,
I can't quit for I lost my wit.!!

Hence
I wanna disappear
I wanna be unseen
I wanna be unheard

Disappearing like a bubble on that wave,
Like a Dew on that leaf.

I wanna disappear..

I feel like I'm losing everyone
Or maybe I never really had anyone

C                                                                ­                           R
          L                                                    ­               E
                      U                T
                      ­                                            T
Clutter in my Room
Clutter in my mind
I stare at the piles unsure of where to start
Every item I pick up brings waves of anxiety so I move to another
but one thought plucked brings two more to the surface
Anxious overthinking and worrying about made up familial death
I.
Don't
       Know
                How
                           To
                                  Be
                         ­               Better...
My shovel is hitting stone, convinced I'll find gold
Day by day, stuck in the mundane waring with flesh and spirit
The solution should be easy but its not

And the guys I want don't want me
And I'm writhing in my bed in agony over my disfigured figure
Staring at the fun house mirror with my grey-tinted glasses
Uneven curves and lumps.

And I question the way others see me
I question conversations
I question intentions as actions fail to follow the spoken
And I feel so so alone

Support beams rotting
I'm passing through with the cold
I don't feel like a blessing
I'm nothing special
I just feel so isolated
Surrounded by clusters of people and I don't have the courage to walk up to one without feeling like a foreigner in my second home.
and when I do it is just as easy to abandon the attempt
I'm the last student in a game of team-up glancing around to see who chance has left me with...I never thought this feeling would continue well into my twenties...

And I know its all just the chemicals but no man will ever understand how this feels and no woman either...
So old and still feeling like a kid who never outgrew the growing pains.
It still hurts. All the **** time.