"You're slowly killing me."
I whispered before you leave,
But you didn't hear.

Everything was just as it should be-
You and me,
A relationship full of glee.

***** little secrets,
Late night conversations,
Questions that come in randomly.

Everything was going well.
No fights, no lies.
No hurts, no broken promises.

But you failed to notice,
Time has been an issue,
You're too busy for me.

"Hey"
"Sorry I got busy, good night"
"Night"

Suddenly we seldom talk
You got tired.
I got tired.

You got tired of me,
I got tired of you,
But why are we still together?

Is it because we're scared of being alone?
Is it because all of our efforts will be put to waste?
Is it because we don't want to see each other with someone new?

Or is it just me?
I know I'm feeling a bit empty,
I know I'm too hard to handle.

Broken.
Sad.
Mad.

I think you're slowly killing me.
Everytime you forget to talk to me.
Everytime you let me wait alone.

You're slowly killing me.
I felt insecure.
I felt like I don't deserve you.

You're slowly but surely killing me.
And for I fact I know.
Soon it'll end.

I am emotionally unstable,
And you know.
But why can't you notice now?

I need you,
You're the reason why I'm still here,
But you're also the reason why I want to die.

"What are you talking about?"
You asked me as I said all those things.
Then you left.

Leaving me broken,
With a blade,
Alone.

She left me
After a month
Of two or three
Standing by her imaginary grave
Under an imaginary tree
But the shadows were real
And so were her choices that came to be
Oh how the pain bursts
From the hole in my chest
And to what cost?
But my salted hands burn the wounds
Reminding me what's been lost
I would rather see her eyes fade to grey
And with lips as cold as snow
Than to hear her say those deathly words
"I have to go"
Perhaps
I would rather she had died
Because then it meant she didn't choose
Leaving me

behind

regret
regret is the most painful feeling
more painful is the regret you feel
for making her hate you
than the hate itself
regret is the moment
when you are thinking:
this is it; the things I have done
have made it come down to this moment
when I want to end everything
everything that could be
all for the mistakes of my past
all my regrets
gone in a moment
the moment that ends it all
when I will not feel regrets
of what I have done
in the past
and I won't have to be afraid
of the future
that I never knew
nor will I feel the regret I have left behind
for ending everything else
all the good that could be
all gone in 1 moment
1 lonely moment
all because you want to leave your regret behind
but you leave everything behind
and everyone
everyone is left behind
to carry the burden of your regrets
and for them to regret your last decision for you
they regret not knowing
not helping
you
what they could have done
is not have helped you not have regrets
but to move past them
so
you may lose all your regret
to make this decision
and end it
but you leave all else behind
ALL ELSE
to regret your last decision
but
if decided not
you won't regret it
and the feeling
of alleviation and relief
of numbness and comfort
combined
into your being
into your mind
is as strong of a feeling
as the regret
that started your pain
the regret
that this time you chose not to create
DO NOT let the last thing
-the last feeling-
you leave behind
on this earth
in this world
be a feeling
of regret

i want you to get tired
tired enough to leave me
so that i'll know
that all the people
in my life
left for a reason
that way i'll understand
how i became like this
so lonely
so broken
so afraid of love and trust
as if it'll burn me
and maybe
you'll prove me right
that i was never enough
to make people stay.

but still i hope,
you'd be the one
to prove me wrong.

Amidst the restless nights I walk alone
weaving past the streets of cobblestone

Toting on my mind is a notion overlooked,
I'm a connoisseur of allegory and oftentimes rebuke

"You ignorants! You do not know,
Like an ailment, silence grows

and without haste, it will devour you,
'til the words once chromatic lose its hue"

Yet my forewarning like fine raindrops fell
Resonated not, never even a moment to dwell

as to that exploit perforated an ephipany:
My voice will never be heard, that is ought to be;

and my words will nevermore transpierce thee,
For I am silence and silence is me.

im used to
being left
behind.

You left with no whisper.

No discussion.

No note.

Leaving me with empty hope.

You're oblivious to the scars.

On my increasingly fragile heart

Flew to close to the sky.
Yet again her rejection will never die.

Like the clash, should I stay or should I go?
Her guessing may not be worth it, ya know?

Two weeks and your gone like that,
Two weeks your feeling went splat.

One day is not enough to make a decision,
Nothing left now but division..

Separate ways from here on out.
Feelings rage, makes me shout.

This is where I end things.

Enthralled by your majesty
I fell to my knees
And that was exactly
Where you wanted me

For through wars with no end
I would of treversed for my king
Even with no voice
For you I could sing

Of our battles and scars
I still had no woes
Even when peiced
By their swords and bows

For I was the Lanelot
To you, my king Arthur
But too, a maiden in love
Though clad in armor

Yet now I am nothing
Blown away with the breeze
A memory once strong
Forgotten with ease

I know now with sadness  
My pedestal was false
Just a seat for your toy,
A doll with no pulse

Yes it is clear now
My significance a lie
Crafted by an enslaved man
A "king" on high