I am consumed by
negative spaces,
floating in between
death and the void,
looking for reason
that won't come
and there is no use
in running from darkness
when it's what brought us
here at birth
and the only thing
we part with in the dirt

If the way out is through,
why do they stay and
mock the despair
behind my eyelids?
They laugh as I search
for purpose that doesn't exist
in lieu of aliens that
I swear are real,
when reality has always been
my achilles heel

It's a dance of avoiding gravity
until inevitably strikes
a heavy blow
that life is
random circumstance
siphoning into black holes,
a collection of moments
that we will
forget to remember,
but how does one find peace
without answers?

Daylight starts peeking in
to see if I'm okay,
I disguise the sentiment
as irrelevant
when I could really use a break
from this carousel of fear
that only
wants me to want more
as if I am owed a life
that is somehow past due,
checked out by someone
who was less afraid
to step outside of their room

Sunlight omits
more concern over
reckless abandonment
as it greets my pacing force,
but there is no stopping
what was designed
without brakes,
carried by all the love and hate
that glorifies impulse to
sift through emptiness-
a sacrifice to this
blank screen
that consumes me with dread
over a deathless dream
stuck inside my head

10 days,
and 20 nights.

Sleeping,
but never resting.

I close my eyes,
tell my mind,
"You must stop!".

Silence arrives,
the calm before the disaster.

What will happen tomorrow?
And your love?
The payment?
The salary?

I want my body
to melt into the sheets,
to receive an embrace from the bed.

For the pillow
to absorb my thoughts.

For my soul to leave,
and return with the dawn.

I want to sleep,
so that in the morning I wake up,
as if yesterday
had never existed.

Seasons come and go
like seas' uneven breathing,
deeply heaving.

High tidal breeze,
swells rise,
seizing;
lunar lock and keys hide
sleeping,
dreaming.

Full feelings
meet beaches
easily steaming,
waves crash breakwall,
mist smoke screening.

Then new sliver
smiles, teasing,
moon's silver filigree
grins sharp, gleaming;
shallow reefs peeking,
watery weeds,
wrists reaching feebly.

Dreary ceiling
and lighthouse
beacon needed
to cleave through these evenings
of nightmares creeping.

Heart darkened
by legions teeming
with evil heathens
and devils, demons,
towering behemoth
war machines ceaseless,
stampedes succeeding;
peacekeeper unseated,
depressive diseases breeding,
thieving and depleting reason,
leeching,
treasonous lesions bleeding;
feeding on weaknesses
eaten.

Meanwhile
free man
cartesian mapping
Elysian regions,
feet and knees freezing-
insomnia's silence screaming,
no egress,
yet adamantine,
unheeding,
eager to only
keep own legs
still leading,
each step meets concrete
through bleakness,
seeking bright beam's
lamplit sweeping
serene for me but
heat seething
these cretins
like a bee sting.

Dawn relinquishes,
shadows fleeing
back to the steepest peaks,
creatures beaten,
receding
as sun climbs east
egregiously defeating,
signing tomorrow's treaty agreement
before besiege on eden repeating.

I awakened myself with a start
and crammed my medicine down
Opened old with fresh wounds
hunting myself with a pack of wolves

My soul choked within the morning
as it crawled to my daily tasks
Performed them standing on my head
when the wolves went to take a nap

(see me)
                See me running while I sleep

(tease me)
                   Tease me with that slab of meat

(please me)
                     Please me as I feel no pain

(free me)
                Free me with sweet insomnia again

Lulled me to sleep with soft panting
I opened mine eyes within your dream
where stones and metal ease the pain
Holy eyes closed in unholy sleep

The night stampeded like oxen
My soul dimly lit your face
My home now this haunted keep
since I never woke again

Just try to pull me from my bed
and flush my medicine away

Try and close my open wounds
and put a lead on the wolves

My sleep will only get deeper
The dosage will only get higher
The wounds more infected
The wolves bigger and faster than you

(see me)
               See me alive when I awake

(tease me)
                  Tease me then let me wholly partake

(please me)
                    Please me by letting me feel again

(free me)
                Free me with sweet peace again.

insomnia and I.



Every night we meet, we talk nonsense and this and that,

All the questions and conversations I have in my head:

What if’s and if only’s and time that’s passed,

If only I chose myself,

didn’t please others and even my dad…

What if I dared to have all the things I never had,

Even if, what if, if I could, and if simply I said…

God, what to do with me, with all this and all that?



Hush…He gives me a cuddle, a comfort, an embrace,

A tight embrace that doesn’t let me out,

And then we talk, about stuff, for instance,my deepest fears,

My hidden, destructive doubts

and then some tears..



He knows everything and every cockroach in my head by name,

Knows all my impulses that I so badly want to tame.

I get messy, depressive but he is not the one to blame,

Because I despise him first but then I ask him to stay.



He stays and brings back all the memories I had, didn’t wanna have and the ones I haven’t yet made.  

Toxic guy from school, my grandma, the cat and the days dad came home late.

Talks to me of my dreams and pains, and the things I sometimes said,

People who hurt me, I hurt and decisions I regret..



I know we are better off but I don’t really know how,

Coz we are also good together, strangely, somehow.



Hours pass, we sit on the windowsill staring at the moon or ceiling,

Quiet. Thinking about future, dreams, and things worth believing

He knows I think that I will be soon leaving

So I am scared as a man buried alive

for all the hours I am stealing

from me,from life, from him…

and in the sleepless night, I am the insomnia, not him..

Maybe it’s not him but I’m the one who needs healing.

I feel odd
This strange mood has taken me

Something isn't right
Something isn't right

Discontent incomplete not whole
I wander down a bright corridor the lights hurt my eyes
The hum a cacophony of pain

Something isn't right
Something isn't right
Something isn't right
Something isn't right

I'm falling but stationary
A runaway train lost in the empty brightness
I'm mindlessly speeding through nothingness

Something is terribly wrong

I've never felt this way before
A mad descent
I'm suffering and I don't know why

I feel sick
From tension
From speed
From stress
From pain
From sickness
I don't know why

Something is wrong
Something is wrong
Something is wrong
Something is terribly wrong

My life is falling apart
as I curl up the walls close in
The bright light intensifies
I can't take it
I don't know
Please GOD save me

Please somebody save me

I can't think
I can't eat
I can't walk
I can't sleep

Something is wrong and it's hurting
The light intensifies
The hum gets louder
The walls begin to crush my chest
I gasp for breath but nothing reaches my lungs