So many examples of charm you'll find,
So many questions in my youthful mind.
If faces were the essence of the soul,
Then pretty ones would always have been kind.

I was fine enough on my own
and then I met you
who animated my heart of stone
then turned it blue
wondering what I'll do
when this thing is through.
I'd swim through tides of the apocalypse
just to reach your apocryphal hips
but my cacophonous wit
tells me I should probably quit
because you're better than I
so I fear you'll sever our tie
then I'll pull a lever and die.

I try not to think
I try not to sink
I try not to blink
after the Kool-Aid I drink
casts an enchantment
of life enhancement
I couldn't have planned it
so I just say **** it
flying to another planet
with an atmosphere uncertain
I can't see past this dumb curtain
made by time
my maybe mind
makes me whine
that it's not fair
that your soft hair
has me locked there
waiting for the final judgment
wishing for your sublet
guessing I'll be upset
at another lonely sunset.

Please don't mind me
I've just been alone a long time
seeing the signing
that for a home there's a long line
and I don't have a ticket
to get the biscuit
I jest I missed it
because I blessed a misfit
which stole my youth
and made me uncouth
I couldn't regroup
and then I saw you.
I feel loneliness so strongly
I search for a sense of belonging
but might be doing so wrongly
when I think that anyone on me
will provide an awning
for the fear spawning
over existential odd me
who thinks servile fawning
will leave people wanting.

I wish I could pull a ripcord
to ignore
the dim floor
implored
by inner discord
but I just described you
a conundrum it's true
you create room
for thunder and gloom
then sunder it too.

my true inner self
secret person of the heart
~ heartland of my soul






Mark Toney © 2021

It's been a long, long time
I'm not sure if you remember me!
However, the signs your eyes telling you do! .. but don't dare to stare!

Yet, I see anxiety as it may seem, more worse the last time! Surprised you didn't get any better!
We've talked about it all!
What's left to talk about!
I tried to help over and over but you don't listen don't you
We've talked about it all!
What's left to talk about

You have it all in your hands
Instead! You stood helpless and watched your end and still..

Once again you are holding the same thing over and over again. The same thing that kept you up until the dawn each night and left you sleepless. Shame! Looks heavy on you. You didn't get any better!

I cannot believe you are not trying!
Instead you're making it feel more worse up to now! Your fears! Each time, you cannot step any further believing your past will reappear. You let those dark energies dig into your soul's doors and chains you with its powers.

You are trapped by the monster you made.
The monster thay kept winning!