one thing and then the other 6.4.25 (8:00 pm) / 20:00)
sometimes i wonder-
well
so many things
a lot really

is betrayal just a metaphor?
for what, honestly, i’m falling apart
i can barely tell what i feel like anymore
sad? happy? one thing and then the other

i’m not in control anymore
i’m a control freak, yes
i can’t stand not knowing what happens next
i’m afraid

maybe i’m spiraling down
or maybe i’m standing on regular ground?
maybe i’m falling falling falling
or maybe you’re holding me up?

maybe everything is breaking shattering broken
or it could be all fine?

maybe i’m laughing maybe i’m smiling
maybe i’m crying maybe my tears are flooding
the floor and drowning me
maybe i’m happy.

i really don’t know

i will love you 5.27.25 (4:34 pm / 16:34)
do you think that anything could make me stop loving you?
do you think that anything you do
anything you say
anything you want
anything you love
anything you wish for
could make me stop loving you?

even if you fall someday for somebody else
even if the earth blows up
and even if the oceans drown us
even if i die right now

i will love you
forever
and from the grave

[playing: would you fall in love with me again by jorge rivera-herrans and anna lea]

Mr. Selfish loves himself
He doesn't care about anyone else
All he does is spew spew spew
About how much better he is than you

Mr. Selfish is a liar
He doesn't care if your mind is on fire
All he cares about is himself
And couldn't give a **** about anyone else

Mr. Selfish pretends to be sweet
He fools everyone into thinking there's nothing to defeat
If you are hurt he wouldn't cry
In fact he'd laugh and wish you'd die

Mr. Selfish is my name
I am evil and I am insane
All I care about is myself
Everyone else can go **** themself.

We walked down the street
People were everywhere
I don't like people
I'm the introvert
You're the extrovert
We walked next to each other
The night was so pretty
We saw someone holding a bird
You walked up to them and talked
Talked
I watched
Watched
I don't like people
You looked so happy
Grinning ear to ear
Your blond hair
Blowing in the cold wind

I looked down at your hand
Would it be inappropriate to hold it?
I watched you
I don't like eye contact
I hate it
But when you look at me
I hate it just a little less
You're so pretty
But I don't like you like a crush
I like you like a really good friend
I don't want to kiss you
But I do want to hold your hand
I reached for it
I held your hand
You looked surprised
But you went along with it

The night lasted forever
It was cold
Lots of people
I hate people
There was a new bookstore opening
They were giving away free hot chocolate
I got some
You can't have it
You're allergic to coconut
I felt kinda bad
You didn't really care
You just were excited that a bookstore
Was about to open

My dad went into a building
It was crowded in there
We waited outside
You spun around a lampost
You looked so pretty
I watched you
Watched
You talked about whatever
Talked
You were having fun
And I was having fun
Because you were having fun

The night was coming to a close
You were happy because you saw a bird
I was happy because I got to spend time with you
I held your hand again
You did the thumb thing
I thought I might just explode
You looked so pretty

The night ended
I thought about you
All night
I don't have a crush on you
I just really like you
I really like you
I like your company
I like your personality
You're not annoying
You're very silly
And you're allergic to coconuts

Very much Alive
Very much Here
Very much waiting for a Career

I don't know how to explain it,
But somehow, it seems like the world
Has gotten louder AND quieter
At the same time