I love this filthy city with all of my ****** heart.

The sweltering summer streets (the buildings themselves sweat),
Where the 'cool' breeze is still thirty-four degrees,
And you can't walk a metre without needing an icy drink,
The sewage smell permeates through the pavement.

The bitterly cold winters that numb your lips (slur your words for you--drunken in love with her),
Frozen lakes and frosted branches in Regent's park,
I love her icy kiss more than I love myself--more than I have ever loved anything.

But I must leave, you need to know.

I can't stay, I'm sorry,
It will **** me.

She has her hands around my neck,
She strangles me with her embrace,
As she tells me--softly--how softly she loves me.

London, I'm sorry.

I was not built for the built environment,
My heart belongs in muddy fields under skies full of fresh air and clean sunsets,
I yearn for the sensation of dirt and leaves under bare feet.

How cruel,
To fall in love with a place where you don't belong.

pulled yourself up by the roots

then violently shook off

the clinging dirt

you who like to travel

let yourself go wandering

and find yourself again and again

in an unaccustomed climate



grasping your hand

I can feel the roots

that crave sunlight and water

climb up my arms

and cling to my heart

******* greedily

the remnant water droplets

from our moist homeland soil

I keep losing things that I never had.
I feel homesick in places that feel a lot like home.
I find light in the dark spaces between stars.
The moon is screaming back all the secrets I howled.
I swear that at this moment everything feels like nothing.
And no matter how hard I pinch myself, it still feels nothing like reality.

When we walk down the street
We don’t fight, we don’t scream
He just smiles right at me
Making me know where my home really is

When she still holds my hand
I don´t feel alone anymore
I can feel an unbreakable connection instead
That goes straight to the bottom of my heart

When those feelings come back at me
It feels like a day of summer
In the most rawest winter
It feels like thousand of flowers
Bloom over dead dried leaves

When he makes me smile
For a tiny moment I forget
We’re living the bitterest times
And I don’t care if this isn’t growing up
But this is how I want to feel my whole life

When she waved at me
Saying goodbye trough the window of the bus
I feel I’m facing the worst lost
Because my world is fading
Into a place of pure darkness and dust

And when I see the truth in their eyes
The grey color doesn’t longer exist
Because they add it glitter
Turning into the shiniest silver

But most of all
When I there in one of those places
I learned something I refused to believe
When you are loved, loved for real
They don’t lie when they said it’s the best cure
Because I finally knew how much it makes me heal

i understand the ocean better than you
ever could, an inlander within a prison built of
browned ivy. i rose and rose again from the sea
after the waves crash and yet i know nothing
of how the tides swirl, besides me being part
of that neverending cycle of salt and bits of
coral. can summers go by without a seagull's
cry carrying me from the inland and plucking my
soul towards the great waters of home?

i had died the other day and from my grave
i saw a hand with rings upon each finger. on each ring
was a gemstone that spelled out the infinity known
in my fearful tongue which bleeds whenever
i bite the knife that cuts the flesh of time;
will i ever understand the meaning of decay?
will i ever comprehend my bones giving way to worms?

My heart is skyward.
I feel light at the sound of low flying planes, recalling my home now so sweetly.

I am a wilted Trilium,
for months fed by a foreign smoggy sun, with roots longingly outstretched for rich appalachian loam,
but grasping instead at the plumes of dust left behind overcrowded buses.

Still, I've grown.