Last Christmas was the last Christmas.
Last Earth Day was the last Earth Day.
Last weekend was the last weekend.
Your last birthday was your last birthday.

Happy last **** Day!

Velvet-soft touch,
a rainbow sunrise,
naïve smiles
reflected in your eyes.

Caribbean lightning,
words written in sand,
goosebumps rising
up my arm, down my hands.

Tropical jungle,
a caressing breeze,
sun-kissed freckles
spilling over me.

Sweat-drenched longing,
a turquoise bay,
your quiet glance
burning like fate.

Scorching sunlight,
hunger in flames,
a mariachi chorus
dancing 'round the blaze.

Spanish murmurs —
'Vamos al bar',
your family waits
with mezcal in a jar.

Bare feet wandering,
a crimson sky,
the sea kisses shells
the tide leaves behind.

Seductive darkness,
a star-scattered dome,
the high-risen moon
spins legends of home.

A gentle touch,
chestnut-brown eyes,
beneath the palms,
desire comes alive.

Laughing gulls,
a tide that won’t part —
and in this sand
I bury my heart.

Do you think of me as your baby?
Do you want to take my pain away?
Would you take it on
so it’s not on me?
Because I’m yours
and you’re here to stay?

It always makes me feel so crazy
How much I want you
but can’t stand the thought
How easy it would be and how hard
You only wanted someone like you
Maybe one day I’ll be glad that I am not

It feels so wrong to think about moving on
as if our connection is something impermanent
As if you chose me and regretted it since
I know there’s nothing that you owe me
But you’ve always known the expectation
And I think you resent me because you failed

It’s always made me feel so lonely
Sometimes I think I’m less of a woman
because of you
Learned everything through the lens of my daddy
until he crushed and wasted me, too

I never feel as angry now
I fought for you, not knowing what I was up against
And when you were crying at the counter
I tried to love you
You couldn’t let me in

God - died for us
Jesus- talks to us
Love - spending it with love ones
Food - yummy
Pain - loves one gone
Happiness- love ones around near and far
Sadness- death
Loneliness-wanting attention
Eventful-busy all day
Time- just isn’t  enough
Friends - become family
Family- become friends
Purple - beautiful
Pink- the best
Yellow- pretty
Green - what snoop dog thinks about
Bunny- rabbit
Happy Easter-holiday
Happy Easter everyone

I try to give myself grace
I try to hold the space
But I find that when I say
“if it’s not right now,
it’s okay,”
I feel like I’m lying

I want to get it out
without incisions
but I have my doubts
And with all the time
I’ve taken to find,
it feels like
I’m not even trying

I have no superstitions
about the end
But if it all could
just begin again…
I feel more comfort
than I’d like to in believing
that everything will stop happening

If I could find out what I want
and ease the anger at everyone
I hold each knife in my back
like a shield of armor
that leaves me vulnerable
And I find that when I say
“I know everything
will be okay”
it feels like a lie

To end the weight of grief
To have something to believe
To heal the wounded knife
To find out what to find
To have somewhere to belong
To know my favorite song
To garner the strength to try
before the new year’s ending

That voice
Inside your head
The untrue you
Past and future dread

Remnants wanting to shape
Events that are not facts
Wanting to control
Anything else

The low burning blues
Up from the underground
Seen when life around
Is shining

Fly above, look out
Beyond your self
Take a peek
Glide right back in

Into your spirit
Into your hope
Turn fear into angels wings
The universe needs you
To stop trying to fix it

Candy cane dust
on the rim of my cup.
Burning sweetness
a burst of holiday.
When I finish
and lick the rim clean,
back home, where
no decorations hang,
no tree stands tall,
no family awaits my return.
My only present,
the candy cane dust
left on my tongue