to hold her is:

to stroll across a bridge in the midst of spring
where the cherry blossoms bloom
and their leaves are seen flitting
across the pond’s reflection

to feel the warm embrace of the suns rays
as they magnify the beauty of the
purple yellow and red
petunias daisies and roses
which lay at the waterbed

to breathe a sigh of relief
at the feeling of fresh air entering your lungs
and replacing the stale dust which once lay

to listen to the serene chirping of the birds
as they build their nests;
the rustling of a deer in the tall grass behind.

to hold her
is to know silence
not as emptiness or a punishment,
but as a gift.

I want to tell someone
I want to be proud
But I’ll just be a joke
I don’t want to feel bad
I can’t help it
I’m happy with myself
I want to be happy with others but I can’t
Because they’ll just make it a joke

I love her,
But she says things like
“Oh no, a 97. Are u going to cry?”
I’ll bite my nails til they bleed
Stay silent

But, it’s like-
yeah.
maybe I will.

She embarrasses me.
She ignores me.
She always stands up for him —
but she wouldn’t do it for me.
She makes stupid little comments
that shouldn’t affect me.

If she only knew
She doesn’t even notice.
She doesn’t even care.

And yet I still forgive her.

Why does she have to be like that?

I’ve been told I’m too self-absorbed
But I can’t seem to absorb anyone else
We attempted your incorporation into my being
But I can’t seem to absorb anyone else

I’ve been walking down this road with you
For a while and we’ve been talking ‘bout what we could go do
I don’t want to be pretentious  
Or an arrogant tool
I just want to take you home
And make myself useful

I won’t be subdued
Unless that makes me cool with you
You’re my favorite person to talk to
But you saved my contact as some dude

I’ve been told I’m too self-absorbed
But I can’t seem to absorb anyone else
As elated as I am to say I’ve made your acquaintance
No, I can’t seem to absorb anyone else

You’ve got me running around
With your name in my mouth
And the taste of your *****
On my tongue

I wouldn’t call it romantic
Hell it’s barely even tantric
(You know) I only call you, “baby”
‘Cause you’re too young for me

I won’t be subdued
Unless that makes me cool with you
You’re my favorite person to talk to
But you saved my contact as some dude

sunflowers bloom, sun shines
holding hands together, her head on my lap
as these moments pause, ignoring all her flaws
as she smiles with her eyes filled with 1000 daises
as her cheeks become red, she shines brighter than stars
nightingales jealous of her voice
vision blinded by love, memories filled with her
in this world filled with darkness she’s my only light

Asked her

   "Whatever?
    Whenever?
    Wherever?
    Forever"


She­ said

   "Never"

I feel her calling out to me.
From the depths of my brain.
Her face I can no longer see,
And it fills me with such pain.

     She is clothed in beauty and splendor,
Filling me with curiosity.
Her silky hands, I do remember,
Would always embrace me.

     She wears a cloud of wonder,
And it goes where she goes.
Until that day of thunder,
When we reach the end of the road.

     I remember how she’d softly sing,
Her melodies hold me tight.
Wrapping me with warmth,
Through all the lonely nights.

     I feel her still here with me,
Though her face is now just a memory.
Yet, I still long to see,
Everything that she used to be.

     I want to pull her back to me,
And keep her there forever.


     But I can’t.