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Hanzou Oct 2024
She once held my face like I was her world,
Now her words cut deep, like daggers unfurled.
She looks at me now with disdain in her eyes,
What was once treasured, now she despises.

I see stuff sometimes, each one like a blade,
Saying this situation makes her spirit fade.
Not from the place or somewhere, but from me, I know—
A reminder of the love she let go.

A person who sees me a disdain, needs to run far away,
That every corner of a place brings her dismay.
But it's not the streets, it’s what she can’t bear,
The ghost of who I was still hanging there.

I feel it all—the whispers, the weight,
The way a person rewrites love into hate.
That silence screams louder than any blow,
Crushing the heart that once made me glow.
Words left unspoken. This is a creation on a muddled mind.
Anna Wakefield Oct 2024
I walked along, hand in hand
Strolling towards the trees.
I was happy, had no care,
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

I ran my hands, through the green,
Humming - carefree as can be.
I was content, and had no fear,
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

I closed my eyes, to feel the breeze,
Smiling so blissfully,
I sighed, then, I remember -
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

I opened my eyes, and the trees were bare
Barren ground surrounded me -
I screamed, wordless, held on even tighter
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

The sky then bled, my mother screamed
As to why I couldn’t see
My dog barked, and I held on to
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

My mother looked at me, her mouth was open
Still screaming silently
The dog whimpered, why was it only
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

She then faded, I ran after
Holding my dog helplessly
I knew then that image was over, of
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

When I stopped, she was gone, and so was the dog
They were only memories.
Nightmares or dreams - the only way it can be
Just the dog, my mother, and me.
My mother was my best friend and confidant throughout my life. As an Autistic child with mental health problems I leaned on her heavily. After our family went through some severe trauma at which I was the centre, my mother and father became my complete family. When I had just turned 20 (Jan 2013), my mother passed away out of nowhere from a heart attack - I worked in our emergency department and was on shift when she was bought in DOA. I still miss her deeply.
She also got a dog who she absolutely adored. She said she would train it, make it obedient - and instantly caved to everything she wanted. I trained Boo (my dog) and when my mum passed away, Boo became my dog. A A couple of years ago, my dog went to stay temporarily with my aunt while I was sorting  my housing. She was in perfect health. A month later, I get a call from my father telling me my aunt has had her put down and spread the ashes due to a mysterious 'illness' that came from nowhere.

She didn't even let me say goodbye.
silvervi Sep 2024
I'm not worried about my life
I am worried about my image
I am trying to strive and strive
Performing on a stage
Called life of strife
This life of strife

Hör auf, listen to me
Du bist nicht so wichtig
As it seems to be.
What? You feel hurt again?
I don't know what to do
My friend.

I don't know what to do, my friend.
Speaking to myself, to my Ego, trying to support myself, but there was certainly self-pity involved. This was back in 06/2023. Glad, I'm not in that dark place anymore. But if you are, keep going and moving forward in any imaginable way. Don't stop believing. Write as much as you need to. Be compassionate with yourself. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. You are a human being, too. <3
Zywa Aug 2024
I came for support,

but he doesn't know what to say --


He is at a loss.
Novel "The Sandcastle" (1957, Iris Murdoch), chapter Twelve

Collection "Unspoken"
Heather Horner Dec 2023
He captains the ship
with a grin
You’re all in
Hoist the sail
Climb the rigging
Settle down in the cabin
Close that door in behind,
You want to go live in
His life, your life, his wife
You say

He scoffs at the crew
But not you
You’re the maiden
He’ll find treasure to hide
In you he’ll confide
And provide
The answers you desired
He knows best
You say

When seas are rough
And he’s had enough
Surrounding ships wreck
All are affected
Once important neglected
It can’t go undetected, surely,
As he undresses you
with his insults
Addresses all your faults
He’s just stressed
You say.

Your attempts to rekindle
Throw you overboard
His words
undercurrents,
that drag you beneath.
Used to swim
Now amongst the weeds
Can’t help but concede
He needs me
You say

You struggle
You had learnt to blow bubbles
But now you’re in trouble
A muddle
Confuddled
That’s typical for you
He says

You plead to be rescued
Lock eyes with the crew
But they’re through
So washed ashore
Bedraggled and torn
He picks you up
Keeps you safe,
Loved
And warm
You say
Feedback welcome! Been playing around with this one and know it needs a little work. Thanks 😊
Jeremy Betts Sep 2022
Listen closely when I say this, I don't want to be this, seemingly utterly and socially useless, maybe I spoke it into existence
Best case scenario, this is a ridiculous place to claim as my residence but I never bothered to put forth any resistance
I sit motionless yet some how makin' progress but of course it's lackluster at best, barely a measurable distance
Still forced to press on through 39 rounds of this rigged contest, feeling foolish in lue of my new found cluelessness
Pretending my grip on reality isn't bogus, wishing it was possible to possess more than just a faulty compass
And what good is a shoulder angel drunk off two fifths, ******* me with the devils fist and a strap-on apparatus
How'd it get like this? Was there an exit I missed? Who put destiny up to this?
It's been a continuous loosing battle with this mentality of a defeatist and it means business with tape from wrist to fist
Feel as helpless as a fetus once outside the ****** in the eyes of half of Congress, ******* preposterous
An optimistic pessimist trapped inside a pessimistic optimist, chew on this, I claim the glass itself is a myth
Flip flop from avoiding to chasing deaths kiss, back and forth with reckless abandon that's settin' dangerous precedents
Hiding this incurable, terminal illness in plain sight, a relentless and ravenous sickness
Cancerous thoughts are more than an irritating noosance, it's a merciless menice encased in madness
What am I supposed to learn from this? They say everyone plays the fool sometimes but this is ridiculous, plus, I don't see the purpose
A phony realist, a visually impaired key eye witness. Who hears the crys for help from within the shadows of darkness?
Don't tell me it's the same heartless putts in charge of forgiveness, I need real help so I'm gonna pass on the self-righteous
Is there anybody who knows and could possibly tell me if then why I actually exist
Could they, would they let me know how long all this bull shiits gonna persist?
An existential crisis, I'll give you the knife if you promise to twist and leave it in my back for others to witness
There I am, atop of my own hit list and shiit list, racing toward the top spots like it's a goal I refuse not to witness
Take a shot, I insist, do or do not, there is no try with a mind overwhelmed with sadness
Tripped and slipped and fell head first into madness, it's my ****** up opus, I don't know where hope is
The line between good and evil seems seamless, can't beet 'em join 'em so I tried to harness the darkness, obviously a swing and a miss
I'm the catalyst of my own demize, an apologist for this Hyde side I can't evict with any permanence
Utterly incapable, physically and mentally unable to trespass him from the premises
So I come unglued at the seems and fall to pieces below the surface, letting life continue it's nonconsensual coitus
Here's my thesis, it's better for the masses if I continue suffering in silence and not be anyone elses regrets
Build a wall around this temple, turn open boarders to a closed fortress
No exit or entrance, not allowing me in your presence while keeping life at a distance
Not sure I'll survive this but let's be honest, I don't really need to venture a guess
Let's just say the answer is not a simple yes but it's my reality none the less

©2022
Jeremy Betts May 2022
(song)

What if the night sky refused to give way to day
What if the grey never lifted, and I lost my way
What if those bright stars are all tally mark scars
Recording every mistake that I make, my freedoms right outside these skeletal bars

Ohhhhhh
I don't like this feeling, I'm feeling it winning and I just want to be okay
This disorder is master, no matter my counter, I can't seem to get out of my way

Someone please see me, please hear my silent pain
I've wondered this road for too long
Confusing what's right and what's wrong
I'm not asking to save me, just shelter me from the rain
I've been on this path far too long
How is it that I'm always wrong

What if the bad days overtake all the good
What if the best of me isn't allowed to shine like it should
What if this darkness consumes all the light
What if the hand that extends out to help never feels right

Ohhhhhh
I hope and I pray that one day I can say I made it despite my history
Please let there be time to care for me and mine before reading my eulogy

Someone please see me, please hear my silent pain
I've wondered this road for too long
Confusing what's right and what's wrong
I'm not asking to save me, just shelter me from the rain
I've been on this path far too long
How is it that I'm always wrong

What if the line blurs and I get caught backwards
No one there to kick the chair or care afterwards
I can't fight the good fight, my defenses are down
I'm desperate for some kind of help, I must be the falling tree making no sound

Ohhhhhh
I'm hopeless and helpless I can't seem to stop this from defining my roll in life
The strife and abuse from inside leads me to an out at the edge of a dull knife

Someone please see me, please hear my silent pain
I've wondered this road for too long
Confusing what's right and what's wrong
I'm not asking to save me, just shelter me from the rain
I've been on this path far too long
How is it that I'm always wrong

©2022
Alex Mar 2023
I JUST HAVE TO SING
OH I JUST HAVE TO GET IT OUT-
LET BREAK MY BONES, BURN THE TEETH OUT OF MY MOUTH
AND I JUST HAVE TO   D A N  C   E
CARRIED AWAY ON THE BREEZE
promise me...
That you won't take me from the places I roam-
THAT YOU WON'T TAKE ME
FROM MY. OWN. HOME.
Watch my flowers that in my garden grow..
Watch my flowers for me, mate
scarmaya nicole Sep 2022
and here we are again
waiting for that agony
that despite of me doing everything i can
i still always end up helpless

every
single
time
and  yet we keep going :>
Luisa C May 2022
I want the air to surround me, hug me,
losing myself in its invisible arms
and therefore finding something meaningful
in its transparent substance.
I do not want to cower from the implications
that I am so dependent on this traceless vapour.
Make me crave you, I think, hoping it hears my wish,
welcome me as I so desperately want to welcome you.
So I stand paralysed staring into the unknown,
the endless vortex of existence,
hypnotising me with its mystery, torment and beauty,
divinity, chaos and serenity;
the paradox of living and reality.
To be a human is to be a reflection of the dazzling mess of life;
how can I not take in the wonders of the universe each time I inhale?
My breath is power, the air my hero,
it gives me strength even in times I fight ruthlessly against it.
What is this strange instinct, this stubborn ingrained desire,
this anonymous impulse that never changes or falters?
Why won't it tell me what it's here for, why it persists,
I want to be informed on what it has to offer me.
So show me, I say to nothing, come out and reveal your secrets,
stop your hiding and give me everything there is to know, consume, devour.
I want to be nourished with it, overwhelmed with it,
so show me that this life is worth living.
The vast and depthless road of reality stretches out for so long it scares me,
the plethora of choices, unlimited possibilities,
fear traps me, foolishly, I allow it to strike me
in every way, shape and form
even when I told it to do everything it can to excite me.
It kept its promise well it seemed, it obeyed my order,
now I'm stuck between two states, helpless and frozen.
It turns out I'm not really sure I can handle it.
It turns out I'm not really sure what I want, ever.
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