With the coming of the spring, i see your flower bloom.
Would that I cut off the leaves and do harm to you.

He doesn't hear me right now.
Too busy playing games,
The ones more entertaining than me.
He doesn't look at me,
Doesn't speak, doesn't listen, doesn't care.

I know I am useless,
He drilled it into me from day one.
My words mean nothing to him.
I have stupid hobbies, stupid wants.
Nothing about me is worthy of him.

I look down at myself.
I know what gets his attention,
My dignity drops along with my pants.
He looks at me for the first time in days.
I am finally spoken to.

His words slice me.
He calls me what I am: disgusting,
Desperate, useless, horrible.
But most importantly: I am his.
I am nothing without his approval.

But at the same time he worships me.
The only approval I've gotten,
Only when I am exposed in front of him.
My only worth is my body parts,
The ones I so desperately hate.

He does what he wants,
I have no choice but to let him.
I have no one else who sees me.
Even if he only sees me for what I am;
a tool for his enjoyment.

It's raining outside right now. It's raining.
It's beating down the dust on silent pavements.
I waited you to come the day before.
Today I've realized it was bedevilment.

I've realized it when I saw your smile
In raindrops, flowing down the window,
Your pretty eye wrinkles, so tremulous and soft,
And you in whole, so false and so ridiculous.

Waiting for you, alas, is not my lot.
No yesterday or next day, and no later.
I hate the rain today! I really hate the rain!
There's so much pain in it. I stop to be a waiter.

To be loved is not a virtue
To be hated is not a sin

a hate as hungry as this
consumes me whole

it keeps feeding on what remains
of the empty void you carved out
in my chest with the blade of betrayal

but, I knew what to do
to keep my lungs moving
after your departure

and ever since, I've hated you
as strong as I ever loved you...

for that is the only emotion
that allows me to live
(for my children)

in your stead

and so, my darling,
you have to know that...

I FCKN HATE YOU!