I’ve traced the hurt,
Held the pieces of our past
Sharp against my skin,
Wondering if love was ever enough
To survive the shattering.

And still—
Through the silence,
The ache,
The growth we endured apart…

I choose you.

Not the version from before,
But the one who’s learning,
Who’s trying,
Who’s meeting me again
In the middle
Of forgiveness and fire.

I choose the risk
Of starting again,
Of love rebuilt
Brick by trembling brick.

Because despite everything—
You are still the home
My heart returns to
When the storm clears.

And this time,
We will build it stronger.

It’s a miracle that I’m still around
After I lost my skin
And walked all over Tehran’s streets,
Absorbing all the noise and pollution
Directly into every little muscle and bone.

It’s a miracle that I still love—
Even if very selectively,
And surgically cautious.
Even if from a distance,
From my carefully curated living space
Where only music, art, and fashion are allowed,
With no pre-screening and constant monitoring for letdown and betrayal.

It’s a miracle that I still smile—
Even though, if you look closely
At the corner of my mouth,
You would notice a trace of unbreakable sadness.
That’s why, when I feel too deep,
I look away.

There was a time, when I was younger,
When I loved so freely,
So carelessly,
So curiously—
But I got pushed and pulled,
Hurt and burnt
Beyond the point of my breaking.

You cannot see it,
But my soul carries all those wounds
And burn marks on her skin.
And she carries them
Like a badge of honor.

Because it’s a miracle that I still breathe.
And it’s a miracle
That I kept my dreams.

Abacus  
Click clack
Sliding of beads
So therapeutic
To see how this became that
What makes up the whole
                           Touch each fraction

No need for equation of form
To find value of one emotion
                               Against a known
Or
Tangents
Ometries
Expression of signs
                          
When the only calculus of interest
                                    Is sum of self

Someone used to say
That spring begins and ends
Like a transient midday breeze

When the colour of the tulip fades
To an old pale yellow
You, grown out of your sorrow
Will stand ahead of the horizon
Ready to live, ready to breathe

i don’t need to glow up.
i need to grow in.
deeper roots,
kinder thoughts,
a life that feels like mine.

- M

Isn’t It Nice to Have a Mother?
I write this poem to share a thought—

A reminder, perhaps, to offer extra kindness today.
Because not all mothers gave hugs,

Or left kisses along the way.

I had a mother who was my first bully—

The first to teach me to chase a love.

That was never mine to hold.

She taught me that love had to be earned,

That I needed to prove I was worthy of it.


The cost?

Low self-esteem, people-pleasing,

And a hunger for validation
In exchange for love she rarely chose to give.

She resented in me the traits she had been taught to hate in herself—


And now I see them,

 Reflected in my own insecurities,

In the body I’ve grown into,

In the weight I carry,
both seen and unseen.

Not all mothers are kind.

Not all are gentle.
Some are neglectful.

Some are cruel, 
In more ways than one.

So if I seem quiet today—
If I hold back on a day meant for celebration—

Please understand:
 It reminds me of the mother I did not have.

And of the mother I hope one day to become.

A seed grows through nurture:
Quality soil, water, sun, nutrients.
Even a kind word fills a plant
With optimism and positivity,
So it can grow into the life-affirming plant
It’s destined to be.
Remove any one of those elements,
The plant simply dies.

It’s the same with me.
Love, kindness, water, sun, nutrients
Nourish me to grow into the amazing woman
I am destined to be.
But without those,
I am destined to die,
Bitter, negative, angry, defensive,
And alone.

You are always talking about me                                                               ­           
                                                                ­                                              
because you can't talk to me                                                               ­           
                                                                ­                                                      
  You think you have me folding                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                                      
but all this silence is golden                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                      
You hoped to leave me in pieces                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­          
but you only left me in peace                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                        
                                                                ­                                                
I accept all your faulty
perceptions                                                      ­                  
                                                                ­                                                    
  and I'm going in the other
direction                                                        ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­   
I'm determined to not be swayed by you                                                              ­
                                                                ­                                                  
you can't bully me if I don't let you                                                              ­  
                                                              ­                                                    
You cannot change this situation,                                                       ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­    
until you stop your manipulation